


Caramel Hearts

by moonlapse



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, M/M, also hansol is hella clueless, and bright sunshiney seungkwan, hansol being cold and bitchy whoops, homophobic language at some point, like seriously this will be super fluffy people, meanie if you squint, not much though, prepare yourselves, the only member that talks that much is seungcheol soo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-08-09 17:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7811059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlapse/pseuds/moonlapse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>all it took was a few caramel macchiatos.</p><p>a.k.a.</p><p>choi hansol hates working at a coffee shop, until boo seungkwan comes along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Working at a coffee shop sucked ass.

Hansol hated every minute of his job - whether it was some middle-aged woman screaming at him for not making her iced coffee 'iced' enough, or stereotypical teenage girls ordering frappes and posting them all over social media, he was totally not down for it.

It was a crappy minimum wage job at a local store called 'Jiffy's'. He had only started working there a month ago, and he was already considering quitting and living in his parents' basement until he was thirty. After all, the job was only supposed to be until he scraped up enough money to get the cheapest apartment around; but with the amount he was being paid, that was going to take a while.

His parents were rich and prestigious and Hansol was completely aware of that, but for whatever reason, they weren't planning on lending him even a dollar anytime soon. He almost wanted to scream at them 'So what if you lose a couple hundred? It'll hardly waver your bank account anyway!'

The fact that he was rich also meant that when kids from his school came around, they were always surprised to see Choi Hansol at the counter, taking their order. Meaning that every time he saw someone he knew, they would immediately exclaim, 'Hansol? What are you doing here?' and he would have to resist the urge to slam their head into the counter as he politely asked if they would like whipped cream on that.

When Boo Seungkwan opened the doors of the shop on a crisp Friday evening, Hansol braced himself for the worst. Seungkwan was one of those kids at his school that was always a little too perky, a little too bright and sunshine-y. The two boys were pure opposites, and that's why Hansol tried his hardest not to even so much as glance at Seungkwan during school. Unfortunately, the other came into the shop quite often, causing plenty of unwanted communication between them.

"Hey, Hansol!" Seungkwan waved, smiling. Hansol gave his best fake smile and gave a tiny wave back. It was empty enough today, only a middle-aged couple and few elderly women. There was no one from school, thank God - it would hurt his reputation to be seen with Seungkwan anywhere. It wasn't necessarily that the other kids didn't like him, but Hansol was known for specifically not hanging out with his type - the angelic teacher's pets who were adored by all - but instead, only the cool, slightly-intimidating-but-actually-pretty-nice type.

"What would you like?" He asked, even though he already knew what the boy would say.

"One medium caramel macchiato, please! For Seungkwan, obviously." He bounced on his toes, still smiling brightly. Hansol nodded, making an effort to keep his smile on his face, just for good measure.

Seungkwan was a member of the school choir - one of the main vocalists, in fact - and however much he hated to admit it, Hansol enjoyed his singing quite a bit. He was talented, that was for sure.

As far as Hansol himself went, he enjoyed rapping and writing songs, but he didn't think he was good enough to be on a team or anything. It was more of a pastime for him, just like making caramel macchiatos for annoying teenagers.

"One caramel macchiato for Seungkwan," he said, passing him the cup. Seungkwan grinned brighter, paying and taking a seat.

"Wanna sit with me?" He asked after a minute of silence. Hansol stared at him for a moment, then glancing around to make sure it was himself who was being spoken to. Seungkwan raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"What?" Hansol said, tilting his head. Why would he, of all people, want to sit with Boo Seungkwan, and why would Boo Seungkwan of all people want to sit with him?

"You know, sit with me. It's pretty empty in here, it looks like, and let's face it, you look ultra lonely. We'll have a nice chat over coffee. Well, I'll do it over coffee, you-"

"Yeah, I get the point." His voice was hard, and the words came out harsher than he had meant. Seungkwan, seeing this as a rejection, looked away dejectedly and took a long, hesitant sip of his macchiato. Hansol immediately felt guilty. "But I, um," he hesitated when Seungkwan glanced back over at him, "Yeah, sure, I'll sit with you. It's my break, anyway."

It really wasn't his break, but Hansol didn't want to make the kid feel any worse. Besides, the place was deserted. Most of the schoolkids were out partying or something, and he supposed the adults were busy cleaning up for that dinner that they would host tomorrow or whatever.

He awkwardly took a seat across from Seungkwan, not meeting his eyes, though he could still see the other's cheeky smile from his peripheral vision. He bit his lip, feeling a bit of tension in the air.

"So... tell me about yourself. I don't really know that much about you." Seungkwan sounded genuinely interested in Hansol's answers, so Hansol just went along with it.

"Well... I dunno, I work here - obviously - and my parents are pretty rich and-"

"Yeah, I know that. Everyone knows that. What do you like to do for hobbies?"

Hansol's face burned. Of course everyone knew that. That was the only thing anyone knew him for; that rich kid who worked minimum wage at a coffee shop.

"Well, I... I write songs - raps - and I-"

"Rapping? Cool!" Seungkwan said, interrupting him. Hansol's face turned a deeper shade of red, if possible. "I sing for the school choir. I love music!"

"Really?" Hansol said, as if he didn't already know that fact. He didn't want to sound like a stalker or anything. "That's cool. I don't really rap much in public, it's just a thing I practice at home."

"Can you rap one of your songs?"

"I... what?" He asked, his heart skipping a beat. He hadn't ever performed to anyone before, and he definitely didn't want his first show to be to a near-musical prodigy

"Your songs that you write. Can you show me one?" Seungkwan sounded innocent, but Hansol felt like he had suddenly become Satan for asking such a question.

Should he deny it? Should he accept it? He didn't know, so instead he just squeaked out an 'uh...'

He must've looked uncomfortable enough, because Seungkwan glanced down sheepishly for a second, scuffling his feet on the floor. "You don't have to if you don't want to, I just-"

"It's fine," Hansol said, getting that cold tone of voice again. He knew Seungkwan was just trying to be nice, but it was beginning to get on his nerves.

He was happy to see a young man walk in, giving him an excuse to rush back to the counter. "Sorry, break's over, gotta go," he said all too quickly, and rushed to take the man's order.

+++++++

Hansol was anything but pleased when, on Monday morning when he was headed to his locker at school, Boo Seungkwan stopped him in the hallway. He resisted the urge to push him or tell him to go away like he would do to most kids who tried talking to him, because even though Seungkwan annoyed the hell out of him, he would feel guilty for being rude now after the coffee shop incident.

"Hey, Hansol," he said nonchalantly as Hansol glanced warily around at the few kids in the hall that had stopped to see what the conversation was about. "So, you rap, right?"

Hansol nodded slowly, not sure where Seungkwan was going with this, but hoping he wasn't going to pull a 'you're going to perform on live television for the entire world to see!' or something. Unfortunately, what he said might as well have been the equivalent.

"Well, other than being in the choir, I'm also with this group of really cool guys, we do singing and rapping and performance and stuff. Anyway, there's an opening, and I think you should try out!"

"You haven't even heard me rap yet, Seungkwan," Hansol said, not appreciating the other's enthusiasm. Sure, he had heard of the group - they called themselves 'Seventeen' and they were the type to audition for talent shows and stuff. Hansol wasn't interested in that. Sure, it would be cool to be in a group, but he would rather just rap by himself in his room and make songs.

"Oh, but I'm sure you're great! Just audition, and if you don't make it, that's that. I think you'd make a great addition to the group." He handed Hansol a flyer, reading 'Audition for Alder High's official singing, rapping and performance group, Seventeen!', and walked off.

Hansol stared at the flyer now in his hands. 'Auditions open after school on Friday the Twentieth, in the music room. Accepting one singer, one rapper and one performer.', it said at the bottom. When he glanced back up, there were still a few kids staring, probably wondering what he'd do with the paper.

So, with a scoff, he shoved the flyer into the garbage can and continued to his locker.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, did you think about trying out yet?" Seungkwan asked as he bit into his pastry, which oozed chocolate into his lips. Hansol found himself sitting across from him at the coffee shop for the second time that week, and he was not pleased. This kid was acting as though they were _friends,_ if he could believe it. 

"Uh... Actually, I don't think I will," Hansol said slowly, not making eye contact with him. There was no way in hell that he was going to admit that he had stuffed Seungkwan's flyer into a garbage can and not looked back.

"What? Aw, come on. Do it for me. Please?" Seungkwan pouted. Hansol resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

_We aren't friends. I don't even like you, so why would I do anything for you?_

"I dunno, I just really like that type of stuff." He wasn't sure what else to say. The statement wasn't a complete lie, because after all, he didn't like performing on stage.

"Please? We don't even know if anyone will try out at all, and we need new members. Not to mention, all the guys are really nice. They'd love you."

Hansol noted how that was probably the first time he had ever heard those three last words said without a hint of sarcasm, yet he still didn't believe Seungkwan.

"I can't do it. I'm too shy."

Seungkwan tapped his fingers on the table, thinking for a moment . "Listen, how's this. You audition, and I'll do your biology homework for the next week," he said, to Hansol's surprise. Hansol tilted his head, thinking about the offer.

If there was one thing Choi Hansol sucked ass at, it was biology. And, if there was one thing Seungkwan was actually good at, that was also biology. He had the top grades in the entire class.

"Two weeks," he suggested, seeing how far he could go with the deal.

"Ten days." Seungkwan's voice didn't even waver.

"Twelve."

"Eleven."

"Well.. you've got yourself a deal."

+++++++ 

That Friday, as Hansol headed for the music room after school, he pondered over just purposely fucking it up, real bad, to get him out of the whole situation. He eventually decided against it, because damn, would that be a reputation-ruiner.

He couldn't lip-sync, because he had already promised Seungkwan the day before that he would perform an original song. He couldn't just chicken out once he got there, because then Seungkwan wouldn't do that biology essay on the aspects of ageing that he really needed done.

He was the first auditioner to arrive, which only made him feel worse. He hated being first for anything, from school presentations to so much as leaving a room. So, he stood a little far away from the door, standing around awkwardly to see if anyone else would arrive - which, of course, no one did.

"You're here for auditions?" A boy asked suddenly, peeking his head out of the doorway to the music room. He had startled Hansol, making him jump a little. Glancing around to make sure that it was him who was being talked to, Hansol slowly turned his gaze to the boy, who had floppy hair - that was really the only way to describe it - and a wide grin spread across his face. 

"I, uh... yeah?" Hansol said, making it sound more like a question than an answer. The kid's smile grew wider, if that was even humanely possible.

"Great. Come on in, we're ready to start."

Hansol huffed as the boy disappeared into the room again. What if he wasn't ready to start? There's no turning back now, though.

The room wasn't empty in the least - in fact, there were ten people sitting on the choir stands, Hansol counted. They were all members of the group, clearly, with the three in the centre - one being the kid who had welcomed him in - holding clipboards, ready to take notes. Seungkwan himself sat just above the three clipboard-kids, grinning broadly at the sight of Hansol, who's face burned.

"So, what are you trying out for? Vocal, performance or hip-hop?" One of the kids, a short one with dyed blonde hair, asked. Hansol vaguely remembered Seungkwan talking about the three 'units' once when he was at the coffee shop, but Hansol was so uninterested during that conversation that he had completely tuned out.

Clearly not the Vocal Unit, that was obvious enough, and the Performance Unit didn't sound as accurate of a description as the Hip-Hop Unit, so he just mumbled, "Hip-hop."

"And what are you rapping?" The same guy asked. Hansol pursed his lips.

"An original."

"Ah," the boy scribbled something down on his clipboard before looking back up. "Your name is...?"

"Hansol. Choi Hansol."

"Right. You can start, if you want."

Hansol took a deep, nervous breath, glancing around at all the kids watching him. He had never rapped to anyone but himself before, and he didn't even talk that much when he was with a group this big, Not to mention, the song was original - now they would judge him on his lyrics, not just rapping.

All the same, he began to rap his song.

The words flowed out of him easily, quickly gaining a rhythm and melody. He closed his eyes, not wanting to focus on the audience, but only on himself, on the song. His hand tapped on his pant leg to the beat, keeping him on track, with him taking sharp breaths at the end of each phrase. He had written these lyrics, he had made the rhythm, a weapon of his own creation. 

And then, as his voice faded out and his hand stopped tapping and his heart stopped beating, his eyes fluttered open again. He wrung his hands together and bit his lip nervously as the others began to clap politely. Seungkwan's grin still hadn't wiped off his face, and one of the clipboard kids - the one he hadn't spoken to yet - looked impressed, or maybe that's just what Hansol hoped the expression was. The rest of the kids wore poker faces though, which was somewhat intimidating to him.

"Good work. You'll see the results on Monday," said the shaggy-haired clipboard kid. Hansol nodded and left as quickly as he could.

There was a surprisingly large lineup of kids outside the music room when he left, bigger than he had expected. Most of them looked like band kids or the like, not the people Hansol would willingly hang out with.

They all stared at him as he walked out, probably wondering why he was there. After all, he was an outcast from these kids. They had nothing in common at all. No doubt kids would be questioning him, especially since no one else really knew about his rapping and songwriting.

He couldn't even tell if he had done good. All he had was the expressionless faces of the band members - except Seungkwan, who had looked like he had just seen Jesus or something. Seriously, that kid had a few issues.

+++++++

"OhmygodthatwasgreatHansol!"

"What?"

"Your audition was amazing! I loved it! You're a great rapper, you know, and I'm totally vouching for you when it comes to deciding the members."

It had become a routine now for the two to sit together in the coffee shop. It wasn't like Hansol did it willingly - he'd much rather just not talk to anyone on his job, especially Boo Seungkwan - but Seungkwan insisted on it now. It was as if, through a couple macchiatos and an audition, Seungkwan had become surgically attached to Hansol.

Hansol's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He hated being complimented, mostly because he blushed every time. "Yeah? I've... well, I've done better... I usually rap better when I'm alone." He didn't really like the compliment coming from Seungkwan, because it didn't really feel geniune - this kid had a freaky obsession with him. Or maybe that was just his personality. Hansol couldn't really tell.

"I didn't think you could get much better than that actually. Seungcheol - he's the group leader and the hip-hop unit leader - seemed pretty impressed. You've got a high chance of making it in."

Great. That was the last thing Hansol was hoping to hear. He was imagining something more like a 'Well, you did good, but you're definitely not going to make it in.'

"Listen, I don't think..." Hansol trailed off for a second, quickly trying to regain himself. "I mean, I hate to crush your dreams and all, but..." he hesitated, trying to choose his words carefully. "Your group's super interesting and cool... but I was mostly just in this for the biology homework."

Seungkwan stared at him for a moment, his head tilted, eyes narrowed. He didn't speak for what seemed like an eternity.

"Huh, you're just like all your friends, aren't you?" he said after a moment, his voice suddenly turned stone cold. "Only in it for their own benefit."

"No, that's not what I mean, it's just-" Hansol started, trying to calm Seungkwan down, but he cut him off.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." His voice softened a little, to Hansol's relief. "Listen, you did audition, which is what I asked for, so I'll still do your homework. But that doesn't mean you're not getting into the group. The leaders will decide on it, whether you like it or not. I'm still on your side as far as getting in goes, 'cause I think you could be something great. But you don't have a choice over being in the group. You're the one who signed up for this."

Seungkwan sipped up the last of his macchiato and tossed it into the garbage can as he stood, his chair pushing back with a screech. He didn't glance back as he walked out the door, leaving Hansol staring after him, stunned.


	3. Chapter 3

Hansol thought that he had really fucked up this time around. But it didn't seem much like it when the next day, a warm Saturday morning, Seungkwan pushed the doors open to the shop, all sunshine and smiles and everything he would usually be.

Saturdays were usually crowded over at the shop, filled with hungover teens who just really needed that morning coffee before they puked again. Hansol was the only employee working that day - one of his co-workers had called in sick and the other was on vacation in Italy. He wished he could be either of those people, but instead he was the one stuck making hardly nine dollars an hour for making coffee all day.

When Seungkwan reached the front of the line, he looked just as happy as usual to see Hansol, who faked another bright smile and silently thanked the gods that he couldn't take a break today.

"Do you wanna-"

"Sorry, Seungkwan," Hansol cut him off quickly, his smile becoming somewhat more gleeful as he answered, "But I'm stuck here for now. Busy day." He gestured to the many people seated in the shop. Seungkwan's smile faded a little, but he shook it off. 

"Aw, that sucks. Anyway, another caramel macchiato for your favourite customer?"

 _Favourite customer. Yeah, right_. Hansol would prefer serving twenty drunk teenage girls to Boo Seungkwan, but he obviously didn't say anything about that. Instead, his false grin grew just slightly larger and he nodded, rushing to make the coffee so that Seungkwan could take it and leave him alone.

Seungkwan didn't stay in the shop, leaving as soon as he had paid. Hansol had never been more relieved in his life.

Unfortunately, his feeling of glee at finally getting away from Boo Seungkwan didn't last long, when the boy came in hours later, when Hansol's shift was nearly over.

"Hey," Seungkwan started, placing his elbows on the counter, and suddenly Hansol had an urge to slam Seungkwan's head into the cash register. Unfortunately, he knew that would lose him his job and probably most of his freedom. Working in a coffee shop would beat jail any day.

So instead, he just muttered a "Hey," and checked the clock for the fifth time in ten minutes. _6:54_ , it read. Six minutes till he could finally head home.

"So, your shift ends soon, right?" Seungkwan asked, a faint smile still playing on his lips. Hansol wondered if maybe his face was stuck that way or something, because damn, that kid never stopped grinning.

"How the hell do you know when my shifts end, Seungkwan?" Hansol blurted, unable to contain himself. "And why would you care?"

Seungkwan stopped dead, his face turning a little red - though with what emotion, Hansol couldn't be sure.

"It's just a lucky guess. I wanted to talk to you." He seemed a little sad at how stone cold Hansol was acting, but by this point Hansol was about one thousand percent done with Boo Seungkwan. 

"Don't you always want to talk to me?" He said, looking at his fingernails with a bored expression.

"It's serious."

He didn't sound like he was kidding, which made Hansol feel a little uneasy. 'Serious' was not Seungkwan's style. He was always the one to talk about everything on the planet that didn't actually matter, from the prettiest flower in the world to that one kid at school who picks his nose all the time.

"Yeah? How important?" He asked, finally glancing up to Seungkwan.

"You're going to want to know about it." Seungkwan pursed his lips, giving off a snotty, all-knowing type of face that Hansol despised.

Hansol groaned. He just wanted to sleep through the weekend, not have to deal with this wad of crap. But Seungkwan sure didn't look like he was going anywhere.

"Fine. Give me ten minutes."

+++++++

They went out into the parking lot once Hansol had finished up. It was chilly outside, and Hansol had forgotten to bring a coat that morning, so he was freezing the second he came out the door. Hansol went and leaned against a pole, shivering against the harsh wind.

"Hey, do you want my sweater?" Seungkwan asked after a moment. Hansol didn't say anything, he only nodded. It was actually pretty kind of Seungkwan to do that - quite nice, actually - but Hansol didn't want to give off the aura that he was warming up to the boy, because he wasn't. Not at all.

Seungkwan handed Hansol his sweater, gray with a howling wolf in the centre, then started speaking so fast that Hansol could hardly keep up.

"Okay, I wasn't supposed to tell you this until Monday but you made it into our group and -" he took a short breath- "and we also learned that we'll be performing in a music festival in a couple of months and the only reason I'm telling you all this is because I don't know if you'd be okay with that."

Seungkwan was practically panting by the end of his speech, and Hansol was staring at him, dumbfounded by what he had just said.

"So wait, I made it into the group, and we're doing a music festival in a few months? And you were wondering If I would be okay with that?"

Seungkwan only nodded. Hansol still wore the dumb look of confusion on his face - wide eyes, open jaw - but he quickly wiped it off.

It was oddly touching how Seungkwan had wanted to make sure that Hansol was okay with it, but once again, Hansol wasn't about to let it show that he noticed.

"I... Seungkwan, you know I never wanted to be in this group in the first place because I hate performing," Hansol said. 

He nodded again. "Yeah, that's why I'm asking you first. If you aren't okay with it, I'm fine with telling the guys-"

"No," Hansol said suddenly. Seungkwan tilted his head. Hansol opened his mouth to say something else but hesitated, not really sure why he was agreeing to this -other than the fact that he was fed up with Seungkwan and just wanted to lay in his bed for the next twenty-four hours. "I'll do it, I'll be fine. Now, I really have to get home."

+++++++

Did I really just agree to this?

Hansol sat in his bedroom, contemplating his life choices. First, he had agreed to audition for this stupid group - and for not even two weeks of biology homework - and now he was stuck in the group, performing in a music festival.

Well, this year was going just great. 

It was all because of Boo Seungkwan that this was happening. That idiot boy who had an obsession with caramel macchiatos and smiling was what had gotten him into this mess. It was all Seungkwan's fault. That absolute idiot. 

Maybe the whole 'oh, I'm so nice and happy' thing was just a ruse to fuck up Hansol's entire life. Yeah, that could've been it. Maybe Seungkwan was really just Satan in a meatsuit.

Well, at least the group had a lot of members - that meant that there would be less spotlight on him. The only issue was that obviously, if he had been accepted into the group, he was good enough to have a spotlight on - which could mean the exact opposite of what he was hoping for.

He really didn't understand how Seungkwan could do it. With school and homework all the time, he still found time to practice his skills - and he still found a way to pay for things, whilst Hansol was stuck making coffee for hardly a morsel. 

All in all, Hansol concluded that Seungkwan was a cold, ignorant assface. It was probably true, anyway. Either that, or he was just dumb.

_Well, fuck you too, Boo Seungkwan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo this chapter was kinda short but whatever - school's starting soon, meaning updates will probably be a little slower, down to once a week at the least.


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, so we should probably start by introducing ourselves, right?"

 

Hansol stood in the music room that Monday, once again facing the ten kids who had watched his audition performance. This time, there were two other boys standing next to him - one for each of the other two units. The group leader was sitting in the centre of his bunch on the choir stands, looking up expectantly at the three boys.

 

"We'll start with the newbies." He motioned to Hansol, who cleared his throat.

 

"Um, I'm Choi Hansol, I'm a part of the Hip-Hop unit... I guess." He scuffled his feet, looking at the group awkwardly. One of the boys scoffed, which made Hansol flush red in embarrassment.

 

"My name's Chan," the boy next to him started almost immediately, "I'm gonna be in the Performance Unit."

 

"I'm Seokmin," the last boy said. "Vocal Unit, obviously."

 

The leader kid nodded approvingly. "Good. I'm Seungcheol, leader of the group as well as the Hip-Hop Unit. My stage name's S.Coups."

 

Hansol's eyes widened in surprise. Did they have to have stage names? He sure hoped not - weird aliases were not his thing.

 

"I'm Soonyoung, Performance Unit leader," the floppy-haired kid said. He grinned at them. "Stage name's Hoshi. I do most of the choreography." Hansol shivered at the mention of choreography. He had forgotten about dancing.

 

"I'm Jihoon - Woozi is my stage name - and I lead the Vocal Unit. I also produce a few songs, even though we mostly sing covers," said the tiny kid with the blonde hair.

 

And around they went, just like that. Hansol knew he would never remember all of their names. Seungcheol, Jihoon, Soonyoung, Seungkwan, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Jeonghan... Jun, was it? And something else starting with a 'J'... and then Ming-something. As far as stage names went, there was no way in hell he was going to remember any of those. _Damn,_ did this group have a lot of members.

 

He did at least manage to decipher who was in his unit - there was Seungcheol, the leader, then Mingyu and Wonwoo. As for the others, though, he was completely lost.

 

"Alright, people," Seungcheol started, drawing everyone's attention to him. "We're going to start by having the three new kids do performances for us. You know, just to get a feel of their skills."

 

  
_Again_? The pain must've been evident on Hansol's face, because Seungcheol gave him a reassuring smile. "No need to worry - if you made it into the group, it means you're pretty good."

 

That didn't make him feel any better. He'd much rather be working at the coffee shop right now. Performing was _not_ his thing, and now, he realised, he was going to have to do it regularly. All because of Boo Seungkwan. That asshole ruined everything.

 

All the same, the performance went by smoothly - this time, he didn't rap his own song, instead telling the group that none of his songs were 'prepared', even though there was definitely prepared songs and he just didn't feel like performing something he had created this time around.

 

The other two newbies were talented, too. The young one, Chan, was an amazing dancer, and Seokmin had fantastic vocals that Hansol was actually somewhat jealous of. The reasoning behind those two being chosen for the group was obvious, but Hansol didn't think he was all that good himself, so why would he have made it?

 

It was probably Seungkwan's fault. Again. He had probably somehow convinced the group that 'oh, Hansol's usually better at performing, he was just nervous, which is why he sucked ass'. It wasn't completely implausible.

 

He didn't have to work until five, which was just after the meeting ended. He really wished that he could just go home and sleep, but no, he'd have to make coffee for another three hours after this.

 

Seungkwan approached him as their meeting ended, while the other members split their separate ways. "Hey Hansol," he said, his voice raising as if to say ' _you can't say no to this offer_ ', "I'll go to the shop with you, if you'd like. I've got nothing better to do anyway."

 

Hansol opened his mouth, prepared to spit one of his carefully crafted excuses not to hang out with Boo Seungkwan, but no words came out. Instead, he just choked out a tiny "Sure," and walked away as fast as he could.

 

  
_Why the hell did you do that, Hansol?_ His consciousness asked him. Now he was stuck hanging out with the most annoying kid in the school for God-knows-how-long.

 

But Hansol couldn't help to think that, although Seungkwan could be overly bubbly at times - by that, he meant _all_ the time - and he seemed to have somewhat of an obsession with Hansol, he was really nice and optimistic. _And,_ who could say no to that face?

 

  
_What the fuck?_ was Hansol's next thought. _What do you mean, 'who could say no to that face'? Boo Seungkwan is a horrible excuse for a human being._  


Seungkwan didn't order his macchiato for once when he had arrived. Instead, he just sat at the table closest to Hansol, chatting with him nonstop. Hansol didn't pay attention to much of the blabbing, but he nodded along with the words and pretended to listen. Unfortunately, it wasn't too busy on Mondays, which meant that Seungkwan hardly ever shut up. Hansol didn't mind much, so that was fine by him. He'd far rather listen than do the talking.

 

The shift passed by quickly with Seungkwan by his side. Though somewhat irritating, Seungkwan was almost comforting in a way - he helped the shift go by easier, for whatever reason.

 

Yet Hansol refused to think for a second that Seungkwan maybe, just maybe, wasn't all that bad.

 

+++++++

 

On Wednesday, Hansol fell ill with a nasty fever, which only gave him the perfect excuse to skip work and school - and not talk to Seungkwan. Or anyone, for that matter.

 

He spent most of his day in bed, scrolling through social media on his phone or watching television. His parents were at work, leaving the house all to himself.

 

He also got up a few times to work on lyrics, but that didn't last long; he didn't have the strength nor the inspiration to write anything, quite frankly. He didn't even have the willpower to practice any of his songs.

 

Time to himself meant lots of thinking, about lots of things. No matter how hard he tried to ignore, it was always at the back of his mind, taunting him - the music festival. It wasn't for another two months yet, but Hansol still felt knots in his stomach at the thought of performing on such a big stage.

 

And then, his thoughts drifted to Boo Seungkwan.

 

Damn _,_ was that all he thought about these days? He hardly thought about anyone - or anything - else anymore, not since Seungkwan had come in and completely ruined his life.

 

  
_It's his fault._ The thought kept running through his head, but he wasn't feeling like usual; for once, he didn't feel angry towards the boy. Sure, it was definitely and totally his fault for all of this, but had he honestly planned on fucking up Hansol's life this badly? Seungkwan seemed like a genuinely nice person, surely not the type to do such a thing on purpose.

 

Maybe the whole musical group thing wouldn't be so bad. Obviously, someone out there thought he was good - even if that someone was Boo Seungkwan - and that should be enough for him to perform. Besides, his reputation was already damaged beyond repair, so who even cared if he made a fool of himself? He'd just be that coffee shop kid who no one paid attention to anyways.

 

It always came back to the coffee shop, in the end. From the second his parents had persuaded - forced, more like - him into applying for the job, he had known his life would become a worse hell than it already was. Even without an annoying kid on his back all the time, his job was long and tedious. He had only talked to Seungkwan because he faked having a break once; if he had just rejected Seungkwan's offer and let the boy sadly sip his macchiato in silence, he doubted that they would have ever spoken again. So, in a way, he should've been laying the blame on the coffee shop. 

 

He couldn't say that he completely regretted getting the job, though. Sometimes, even though Hansol absolutely hated to admit it, Seungkwan was just the person he needed after hours of school and work. He cracked plenty of jokes that were so horrible they were actually funny, and not to mention that he knew all of the gossip. He could tell Hansol exactly when and where Kim Mingyu supposedly kissed Jeon Wonwoo on the lips (as far as that rumour went, Hansol wasn't quite sure what to believe). Anyways, the kid was great for getting entertainment.

 

So, Hansol decided; despite the annoying quirkiness that Hansol doubted he'd ever learn to like, maybe Seungkwan wasn't all that bad.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see, this is what's school has done to me. I procrastinate on writing for like, two weeks and you still get a generally crappy chapter. I just want it to be summer so I can write fluffy Verkwan fics in peace...

The air was turning crisp, the last of the leaves falling from the trees as autumn turned to winter and rain turned to snow. A month had passed since everything - since Seungkwan had first sat with him at the shop, since he had auditioned for Seventeen, since he had actually gotten accepted into it.

  
The music festival was growing ever near, and the group was doing their best to prepare. Jihoon and Seungcheol had asked for Hansol's help with some of the lyrics, to which he had hesitantly accepted, and together, the whole group was working hard.

  
There were to be four performances - one for the Hip-Hop team, one for the Vocal team, one for the Performance team and lastly, one for the entire group. Hansol felt his personal life slipping out of his fingers; any time not spent at school or work was spent writing lyrics and practicing his rap.

  
Nowadays he found himself having to socialize a lot more than he had ever wanted to. Asides from Seungkwan coming to the shop on a daily basis, he had to work together with the others constantly. It was as if his small circle of friends had suddenly exploded.

  
It was a little unfortunate, though, as Hansol found himself becoming more and more separated from his old friends. They hardly talked these days; Hansol could just never find the time.

  
On the brighter side, Seungkwan had definitely brought up Hansol's biology grade, even if just a little. His teacher had commented on how much better he had gotten, while Seungkwan smiled cheekily across the room at him. Hansol couldn't help but grin back.

  
Hansol thought that his tolerance for Seungkwan must've been growing, because now he could actually hang around him for a good couple of hours without being thoroughly annoyed. And somehow, he could never get bored around Seungkwan - who was generally not a very interesting person.

  
"Hey, Hansol!" A cheerful voice came from the door of the shop. Hansol glanced up at Seungkwan with a grin as he walked in and took a seat. "Wanna come sit? I don't need a coffee this time. I'll go bankrupt if I keep getting macchiatos."

  
Hansol laughed, turning to his coworker - an older woman who was almost _too_ nice - who nodded, giving him permission. Hansol practically skipped over, glad to finally take a break.

  
Seungkwan tilted his head as Hansol sat across from him. "You're surprisingly happy. I thought that I was supposed to be the cheerful one."

  
Hansol shrugged. "Just one of those days."

  
"How're your lyrics going?"

  
Hansol groaned at the words. "Horribly. I can't get the inspiration, especially now that I know I'll have to perform it in front of an audience." He grimaced at the thought.

  
Seungkwan bit his lip. "Yeah, that must suck. But you should stop freaking out about it. Honestly, you'll be fine."

  
Hansol sighed with a shake of his head. "I just..." He trailed off, not sure what to say. Seungkwan pursed his lips.

  
"It's no big deal, seriously. Besides, I'm sure your lyrics are great."

  
Hansol smiled faintly, glad that at least he had Seungkwan to bring up his spirits. Honestly, the boy had been a blessing for the last few weeks. Hansol was finally starting to warm up to him - and quite a bit, at that.

  
"I'm free after work ends," he offered. "You can come over to my place for a bit if you want. I've got nothing better to do."

  
Seungkwan's face brightened. "Sure! I always did want to see your house. Even before we were friends, actually."

  
It felt a little bit like a slap to the face. Hansol despised it when people brought up anything about his rich life, even though they couldn't really be blamed for it. He just brushed it off, not wanting to make Seungkwan sad, because if there was one thing Hansol hated most, it was an unhappy Boo Seungkwan.

  
Seriously, that kid. He made Hansol feel guilty whenever he offended him in the slightest way. Maybe it was some form of magical manipulation, or maybe it was just his face. He could never tell.

  
The shift went by quicker with Seungkwan, as it usually did. Hansol couldn't understand how Seungkwan could stay entertained with him, whom was probably the least interesting person on this planet, but Seungkwan always had plenty of new stories and rumours and facts that Hansol adored listening to. They didn't care if anyone else heard them; they were the only things that mattered right then and there.

  
"Hey, are you alright?" Seungkwan asked after a minute. Hansol's head shot up and he nodded.

  
"Yeah, sure. Why?"

  
"I dunno. You just seemed kind of... off. You know?"

  
Hansol didn't know, but he just nodded anyway. "Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

  
And that was that, and a couple of hours later the two were headed to Hansol's house in his mom's cheap old jeep, which she was letting Hansol 'borrow' until he could get himself his own car.

  
The first little bit was spent touring the house and chatting as usual. Seungkwan couldn't stop staring around at the house in wonder; he seemed completely infatuated with just how large it was.

  
"Where are your parents?" He asked when they came into the living room, noticing that the two were nowhere to be seen. "I want to meet them sometime, I mean, we are friends now, right?"

  
"They're in Africa for the next couple of weeks." Hansol shrugged. "I've got the place to myself."

  
Seungkwan's jaw dropped. "Seriously? That's so cool, my mom would never let me do that. She doesn't trust me."

  
"I can see why," Hansol snorted. Seungkwan shoved him playfully, and Hansol fell backwards onto the couch with a dramatic scream. Soon enough, the two had delved into a fit of laughter. It was the most Hansol had smiled in God-knows-how-long.

  
They spent a couple of hours just chatting, talking about whatever they could think to talk about, until Seungkwan abruptly stood up. Hansol tilted his head at him, questioning what he was about to do.

  
"How many people have you dated?" Seungkwan asked, hands on hips, his eyes narrowed with curiosity. Hansol stared at him, jaw agape, but quickly regained himself.

  
"I had a girlfriend in second grade for like, a week," he offered. Seungkwan's serious face broke for a minute and he giggled, unable to control himself.

  
"Anyone else?"

  
"Last year I..." Hansol coughed awkwardly. "Experimented."

  
Seungkwan let out another laugh. "Of course you did. So did I."

  
"Are you kidding me?"

  
"Doesn't everyone 'experiment' at some point?" Seungkwan replied with a sly smirk. Hansol shrugged.

  
"Not to my knowledge. Hey, what exactly was the point of this conversation?" He asked, still confused.

  
Seungkwan's grin slipped from his face. "Nothing," he said. "Just curious."

  
"Oh. Okay." Hansol wasn't quite sure if he believed him, but he decided to brush it off.

  
They sat in an awkward, almost-tense silence for a moment. Hansol found himself staring at Seungkwan, who was fortunately looking in the other direction - with an almost guilty sort of look, he thought.

  
Seungkwan pulled out his phone after a moment. "My mom says I have to get back now."

  
"Huh. I didn't hear your phone go off," Hansol said nonchalantly. He swore that he saw Seungkwan's eyes widen in panic for a moment, but then the look was gone.

  
"My ringer's off."

  
"Right. Well, see you later, I guess." He led him out the door. "But do you need a ride?"

  
"N-no, I'm fine." Hansol detected a small stutter in his voice, but maybe that was just the biting cold of the wind. "I don't live far away from here."

  
"Cool. Goodbye, Seungkwan. See you tomorrow?"

  
"We'll see." He didn't say anything else as he walked off into the night, leaving Hansol alone in the dark.

 

 +++++++

  
The next day was a Sunday, and Hansol's day off, so he sat at home and worked on his lyrics. He had most of them down pretty good, but there were still a few issues - and that was just to his knowledge. Once he got the others to look over it, he assumed that they would find plenty of mistakes.

  
He would get Seungkwan to look over them first - he would probably be able to handle his friend's criticism. Then, he would look to the rest of Seventeen.

  
After two hours of working, he needed his well-deserved break. Turning on his old, cracked phone, he saw that Seungkwan had sent him five messages, so he swiped it open and checked, but to his surprise, there was nothing there. He must have deleted them.

  
It wouldn't have been an accident; how do you accidentally type out that many messages and delete all of them? Seungkwan clearly didn't want Hansol to see what he had sent.

  
So, being the nosy, overly-curious idiot he was, Hansol naturally typed out the words 'what did you send to me?' and entered it. Within seconds, the word _'Read_ ' popped up under the message, but Seungkwan didn't type anything.

  
He waited and waited, for god-knows-how-long, until finally, he decided to try and take his mind off of it by doing his math homework instead.

  
It really didn't do what it was supposed to. Hansol still found himself too curious about what the messages had read and why they were deleted. Of course, maybe he was being silly. The messages could've been deleted for any stupid reason, and it doesn't have to be personal. Maybe he would just settle on that.

  
And then, he heard the small tone from his phone and spotted Seungkwan's message.

  
 _Meet me at the coffee shop by five_.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this half a week ago oops  
> Also, sorry for the cringeworthy lovey stuff and all that

The sun was already starting to set when it reached five o'clock and Hansol pulled into the parking lot near the shop. It was freezing outside; luckily Hansol had brought a coat with him this time as he shivered in the cold, rushing into the coffee shop as quickly as he could. When he burst inside, one of his coworkers at the till turned to look at him, a little confused, but he shook his head at her and she glanced away. Seungkwan was seated in a corner, swirling his macchiato with his finger. He glanced up at Hansol for a second, but then looked back down without a word, and it was then that Hansol figured that something was definitely up with him.

  
"Hey," he said smoothly, taking a seat and resting his elbow on the table. Seungkwan glanced up at him, opened his mouth, closed it, then muttered a greeting. There was a slight moment of awkward silence, but Hansol decided to speak up. After all, he was curious about what Seungkwan had to say.

  
"So... what exactly prompted this meeting?" He asked, noticing how positively green Seungkwan looked. "Are you alright? You seem kinda... sick."

  
"I'm fine," Seungkwan said flatly. He looked up into Hansol's face for a moment, his dark eyes searching for something, then took a slow sip of his macchiato. "I..." he trailed off. Hansol tilted his head, waiting for him to continue. "Okay." he inhaled. "We've been friends for a little, right?"

  
"Not that long, really..." Hansol said, without a clue where Seungkwan was going with this. "But, yeah, I guess."

  
"Yeah. Not that long. But before we were friends, I'm not really sure if you knew that I existed, but... I was pretty well-aware of you."

  
"Yeah. The pretty and rich boy, right?" Hansol scoffed, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. Seungkwan quickly shook his head.

  
"Not really. I mean, yes, I knew you for that, but for other stuff too."

  
"Like... what?" Hansol asked slowly, eyes narrowed.

  
"Okay, yeah, mostly that you were ultra cute. It's true."

  
"Right..." His face flushed a little at the compliment, but he tried to keep it down.

  
"Listen, I just really, really wanted to be your friend." Seungkwan looked away, as he he should be ashamed. Hansol instinctively reached across the table to touch the other boy as a sign of reassurance, but Seungkwan flinched and pulled his hand back.

  
"Well, we're friends now, right?" Seungkwan nodded. "Is that all you were going to tell me?"

  
"No," he said quickly. "I... wanted to be your friend and all and so I tried to become your friend. You hated me at first, I know-" Hansol grimaced; he had hoped that Seungkwan wouldn't notice his apparent hatred- "But I thought that you would warm up to me. And you did. And then I started thinking about other things, you know?"

  
"Other things..." Hansol murmured, figuring that he was finally starting to catch on. "Like..."

  
"You know, the whole more-than-friends thing. You're cute, and nice, and talented, and..." he looked away again. "I'm sorry. You can... you can leave if you want."

  
"Why would I do that?" Hansol said with a frown. He hated to see Seungkwan like this, all dejected and ashamed-like. "Let me hear what you have to say." Seungkwan sighed, looking around the empty shop and biting his lip. There was more silence, and it was the most tense Hansol had ever felt before.

  
"I think I'm in love with you, okay?" Seungkwan hissed, not wanting the cashier to overhear. Hansol could only stare at him with this dumb look on his face, like he was an absolute idiot - which was probably true.

  
"Is that what those messages were about?" He managed to choke out. Seungkwan only nodded. Hansol noticed tears in the other boy's eyes and immediately felt terrible. "Please don't cry," he said, reaching for Seungkwan's face to wipe off a couple of tears that were rolling down his cheeks, but Seungkwan jerked away again. "Seungkwan..." Hansol murmured, unsure of what else to say. Seungkwan stood up abruptly, his chair pushing back with a screech. Hansol only watched him, unable to move. He didn't say a word as he walked out of the door, leaving Hansol alone in the shop.

 

  
Hansol didn't talk to Seungkwan for the next week. The other boy avoided him at all costs, ignoring him in the school hallways and never coming to visit the coffee shop. Even during practices for the music festival, they never made interactions. Seungkwan made sure to stick by the rest of the Vocal Unit, and Hansol figured there was no point in trying to get through to him. The others apparently took notice of this. Seungcheol approached him after practice one day, with the clear intention to solve the issue.

  
"Did the two of you have an argument or something?" He asked, hands on hips. Hansol shrugged.

  
"We're fine, Seungcheol. Honestly."

  
"Well, it sure doesn't seem like that to me. Listen, I'm the leader of this group, and that means that I need to keep you all on at least speaking terms. I don't care if you don't get along great, but you need to at least talk to each other."

  
"He's the one who doesn't want to talk to me."

  
Seungcheol rolled his eyes. "I don't care who's not talking to who. All I care about is that you fix it up, alright?"

  
Hansol only nodded, a false promise, and got away as quickly as he could. He hadn't felt this horrible in ages. It felt almost like Seungkwan had cut the string that connected them, leaving him just hanging there. All that Hansol could think was 'why would he confess his love to me and then never speak to me again?' It was a question that he could not answer for himself. Seungkwan was a complete mystery.

  
And then there was the rest of it - Seungkwan had practically asked him out. And Hansol had been such an idiot that he couldn't even give a straight answer. But even still, he didn't really know how he would reply. Seungkwan was pretty fantastic - when he wasn't trying to pretend Hansol didn't exist - but Hansol didn't know what his own feelings were.

  
So he pondered over this in the time that they weren't talking, an entire week. And the more he thought about it, the more he started to understand it all. Hansol didn't like Seungkwan as much as he thought he did. He liked him much, much more than that.

  
And so, the next Sunday, he decided that he couldn't stand it anymore. So, he went on his phone and sent Seungkwan a single message.

_  
Meet me at the coffee shop by five._

 

  
He had no idea if Seungkwan would show, but he figured it was at least worth a try. So, he pulled into the parking lot at 4:50 with his heart pounding in his chest, and he ordered a caramel macchiato with extra drizzle and set it across from him at the farthest table. Ten minutes later, the bells on the door jingled and Seungkwan slowly, painstakingly took a seat across from Hansol. He still wouldn't make eye contact.

  
"Hi, Seungkwan," Hansol said, and his voice was a little cold, even though he didn't mean for it to be.

  
"What do you want?" Seungkwan's feet scuffed the floor, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared out of the window with a pouty expression on his face. It would've looked cute if Hansol wasn't internally panicking so much.

  
He inched the macchiato closer to Seungkwan, urging him to take a sip, to which he reluctantly obeyed. "Why are you ignoring me?" He asked.

  
Seungkwan stopped in his tracks and set down his coffee, eyes narrowed. "Because you hate me!" He blurted out, his face going red - though with anger or something else, Hansol couldn't quite tell.

  
"I... what?" Hansol said, thoroughly confused now. Why would Seungkwan think such a thing?

  
"You hate me, Hansol. It's obvious. I shouldn't have ever told you anything."

  
"Why would I hate you?"

  
Seungkwan stared at him as though he were insane - which was probably not a completely false statement. "Because I told you that I loved you, and you don't love me back?" He said it as more of a question than an answer.

  
"Listen, Seungkwan, it's not like that. I don't hate you."

  
"But you don't like me," Seungkwan said. Hansol shook his head.

  
"Seungkwan, I like you, alright?" He tensed, nervous. "As in... I _like_ like you!"

  
Seungkwan stared at him, registering his words, as Hansol tapped his fingers on the table anxiously.

  
"You... _like_ like me."

  
Hansol almost wanted to ask him if he was stupid, but he controlled himself. "Yeah. Something like that."

  
"Right." Seungkwan exhaled and glanced around the room. "Okay."

  
Hansol scoffed. "Okay? Is that it?"

  
"Goddamn, it isn't, but I'm not really sure how to put it," Seungkwan muttered.

  
Hansol looked down at his neatly folded hands for a moment. And then, he leaned over the table and pressed his lips to Seungkwan's.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i procrastinate too much on this project. Enjoy.

For a split second, Hansol regretted his decision. Seungkwan's eyes were wide with some form of panic, and he didn't imagine himself looking so perfectly serene either. He was certain that Seungkwan would pull away - maybe yell at him too, while he was at it - but no, he just sat there were with that same expression of surprise on his face, unmoving.

Seungkwan had soft lips. They had always looked soft - Hansol would subconsciously notice them some days, and he'd have to look away before he got caught staring at them, but now he finally got to test it out for himself.

At that thought, Hansol pulled away, face red and eyes downcast. He couldn't even bring himself to look up at Seungkwan. A long, tense silence passed between them, and Hansol couldn't decipher what Seungkwan might've been thinking. His heart was racing and so were his thoughts, eyes narrowed in fear, focusing in on Seungkwan's macchiato instead of Seungkwan as he waited for the boy to speak.

It was a long time before he did.

"I..." he trailed off, not sure what to say. Hansol brought his eyes up to Seungkwan's for a moment, but quickly looked back down. Seungkwan gave an exasperated sigh. "Can't you at least look at me? You're making it look like you just murdered someone.."

Hansol gave a snort, a light smile playing on his face. He slowly looked up towards Seungkwan once more, looking into his chocolate eyes. He could still taste him on his lips, but the sensation was already fading, replaced with a sense of what was almost guilt.

"Hansol," Seungkwan started, and Hansol resisted the urge to look away. "You know that you're a clueless fuck, right?"

Hansol couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in his throat. "Uh... what?"

"I mean, really," he continued, tapping his fingers on his now-cold cup of coffee, "I've been trying to make it so blatantly obvious that I liked you for the longest time, and you would always just sit there like-" he imitated Hansol's face, making a stupidly clueless expression- " and you had absolutely no idea what I was trying to get to you. I hate the whole lovey-dovey confession crap, you know, so I just tried to avoid it, but no, Choi Hansol is a stupid little shit and just had to make this shit hard for me."

"So..." Hansol trailed off, feeling the blush return to his cheeks, "You're not mad?"

Seungkwan scoffed, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling. "Of course I'm not mad! Are you joking?"

"I just thought-"

"Yeah, yeah, here we go again. You're confused, I get it. Listen, I'll spell it out for you." He leaned in so close that Hansol could smell the macchiato on his breath. "I like you. I thought that you didn't like me, so I avoided you. Then, you told me that you liked me back and bam, we kissed and made up." He leaned back again, reclining in his chair with crossed arms and a tiny smirk. "See now?"

Hansol nodded. "But... where do we go from now?"

Seungkwan's smile faded, just a little bit. "Well, where do you want to go from now?" He fiddled with his hands, seemingly nervous.

Hansol grinned. "I did just totally definitely kiss you, right? Who's the clueless one now?"

He watched as Seungkwan's smile grew bigger than he thought possible. Seungkwan gave him a playful shove, giggling. "It's still you. You'll never make it to my level, hun." He flashed a smug look at Hansol, because his phone began to vibrate. As he took it out of his pocket, his face turned sour. "Got to go, now," he said. "Mum needs me back. I'll see you later, Hansol."

"But- wait!" Hansol called after him. "What about your macchiato?"

"You have it!" Seungkwan called back as he strolled out of the door. Hansol glanced down to the coffee, taking a hesitant sip, all while grinning like a fool.

\------------

  
It was two days until the music festival, and despite being completely and utterly stressed out, Hansol had never felt this content in his life. Their songs were prepared and perfected; Jihoon and Seungcheol had reviewed Hansol's lyrics and had changed a couple of things, but otherwise they loved it. The dances that Soonyoung had created were challenging and physically straining, but showed off pure talent.

And then there was Seungkwan.

They were now officially 'dating' ever since their little incident, and despite the whole anti-gay thing some of the kids held, they could care less if anyone noticed. None of the Seventeen members knew about it yet, and the two of them decided to keep it that way for a while, waiting until someone figured it out.

And even though they had only been a 'thing' for two weeks, Choi Hansol loved Boo Seungkwan. At least, he thought that he did. Being the lost one who had never truly been in love with another human being, he still wasn't sure what the term 'love' truly meant. And he was too scared to ask Seungkwan how he felt.

He already knew how tough the situation would be. Other than angst-y fights and emotional times, the two would always have to bear the weight of other peoples' opinions for as long as they stuck together. Homophobia was an issue, and as far as Hansol could see, it was going to be an issue for a long, long time. But he wasn't worried about his classmates or strangers so much as the two whose opinions mattered most; his parents.

All his life, he had grown up listening to the same cruel nicknames his parents spoke. His dad would say some terrible thing about loving another man, and his mom would agree wholeheartedly, and Hansol would sit and nod, afraid of the consequences if he didn't go along with it all. The two had attempted to Hansol the way they wanted - to be homophobic and hateful, but Hansol hadn't complied. However, it didn't change much as far as their opinions went.

His parents were genuinely good people, he knew that. They volunteered at soup kitchens and donated money to third-world countries and were friendly and perfectly content with their lives. But just because they did all of that didn't make them perfect. He didn't know how they'd react to having a fag for a kid, just how far they would go, and no matter how much he tried to deny it, he was scared. But he'd heard of the sacrifices people made for love, and he knew he would end up loving Boo Seungkwan too much too let him go that easily.

He hadn't spoken to Seungkwan about this problem either. He didn't want to, not yet. He wanted Seungkwan to feel happy and content with it all, at least for a little longer. The last thing they wanted - and needed - right now was something like that to worry about.

Seungkwan strolled into the coffee shop mid-afternoon on Sunday with messy hair and eyes half-closed. He covered his mouth with a sweater paw as he yawned, stumbling over to Hansol. Hansol grinned at him as the boy blinked his eyes open and stared dreamily at Hansol.

"Hey there," he murmured, resting his elbows on the countertop. "Whatcha up to?"

"I'm working, Seungkwan." Hansol giggled. "You look terrible, by the way," he added, running his gaze over the boy, whose face reddened a little. The boy shook his head quickly, as though trying to wipe the blush off of his face.

"Yeah, I know," he muttered. "I think Jihoon and Soonyoung are trying to kill me with all that dance and vocal practice." He yawned again, setting his head in his hands. "I haven't slept for two days."

Hansol frowned at him, a concerned expression on his face. "I don't think that's healthy, Seungkwan. You should go home and sleep."

"Nah, I'll be fine," he mumbled, his eyes drifting shut. "I just need a bit of caffeine to wake me up."

"Caffeine's not going to help you that much, you know," Hansol said, his eyebrows raised as though daring the other boy to oppose. "It wears off pretty quickly. Trust me, I would know."

Seungkwan blinked open his closed eyes and stared at Hansol with his head tilted just slightly to the right. "Well, I wanted to see you."

"You saw me yesterday."

Seungkwan let out a tiny giggle, taking a step back from the counter. Hansol glanced around at the others in the coffee shop; it was crowded today, without even an open table left. He could see another couple walking up to the door outside. He wouldn't have time to sit and talk with Seungkwan today. He longed to; he always enjoyed talking to Seungkwan, listening to his stories over and over, not caring how many times he'd already heard them, but it was probably for the best - Seungkwan looked half-dead, and Hansol was _not_ going to date a zombie.

"Go home, Seungkwan," he said gently. "Go home and sleep. Doctor's orders."

Seungkwan huffed, crossing his arms. "Why can't I see you?" he pouted, and Hansol almost gave in to the boy's pleading face, but he managed to control himself.

" _Doctor's orders,_ " he repeated stubbornly, giving off a tone that Seungkwan wouldn't want to argue with. Fortunately, it worked, and Seungkwan spun on his heel, strolling right back out the door as everyone in the shop watched. Hansol felt his face flush as the pairs of eyes turned to look at him - most of them were of his classmates - his very judging classmates. One boy, an old friend of his, quirked an eyebrow at him, while a couple of girls in the corner smirked and whispered to each other. Hansol had no choice but to ignore them all as he served his next customers.

\-----------

"Alright people," Seungcheol announced, pacing around the room while the others watched in anticipation. "The festival's tomorrow. We've all prepared our performances, and they look fantastic." The boys cheered in response; Hansol couldn't help but to join in. "Now, this is our last practice before the show. This is the first live performance for some of you-" he glanced over at the three newbies- "but I can assure you, as long as you're confident, everything will work out just fine."

There was more cheering. Seungcheol nodded. "Right. So, we'll give you some time to practice in your units, and then we'll show our performances, alright? After that, we'll practice the group song."

The boys scattered, gathering together with their units. Hansol stood next to Mingyu and Wonwoo, while Seungcheol started their music up. He clicked play, and the music began, the melody filling Hansol's ears. He'd already heard this song a million times before - every beat, every note was memorized, even the parts that weren't his own.

Dancing wasn't exactly Hansol's strong suite, but after practicing so often, each of them had perfected their moves. It just felt natural now, his feet sliding into place, his hands moving to the rhythm, his body moving in perfect synchronization with the others.

Seungcheol rapped flawlessly, not missing a beat, self-assured and charismatic and happy. He was the person that Hansol wished he could be on stage, with such an optimistic tone, and every word so full of confidence. Hansol had a feeling that no matter how talented he himself would become at rap, Seungcheol would always be one step further. He didn't really mind all too much; Hansol was perfectly fine staying more blended into the background than being the star of the show..

Hansol's part passed nearly flawlessly, despite one stumble around the middle. But it was quickly over, and he knew he was doing just fine. Mingyu and Wonwoo passed just as the other two did, then, the song was over, and that was that.

"Let's do Performance Unit first. Soonyoung," Seungcheol said once every group had finished, motioning to the centre of the room before taking his seat with the rest of the Hip-Hop Unit. The four Performance kids clambered out of their seats and took their spots at the front as Seungcheol started up their music.

Everything about their performance was breathtaking. Soonyoung had put together a masterpiece, no doubt - Hansol couldn't take his eyes off of the boys. Without words, they told a complex and enthusiastic story, none of them skipping a beat. By the end, their foreheads glistened with sweat, but they looked content with their dance.

The others whooped and cheered, while the unit did dramatic bows and clambered back over to their seats. Seungcheol grinned and called up his own unit after a bit of hearty praise for the Performance Unit. Hansol felt his heart thump in his chest as he swayed back and forth at the front, waiting for his music to play. And this was just with the rest of their group - how would he be able to handle everyone at the festival?

But yet, as Seungkwan gave him a reassuring grin, his anxiety faded a bit. Maybe he would just think of Seungkwan - yes, that would make it all better. Seungkwan was the one that mattered the most in this performance.

Despite feeling like his chest was going to explode, Hansol got through his part by staring at Seungkwan as he rapped, focusing on his soft edges, his eyes, his lips. Seungkwan stared straight back, bobbing his head to the music with this grin on his face that nearly made Hansol burst into giggles.

It was over as soon as it had started, and Hansol soon found himself watching as the Vocal Unit's song began.

They didn't have a dance, only their vocals. The song was slow, a cheerful melody with lovey-dovey type lyrics. Hansol sat back and listened, letting their calming voices wash over him.

And then, Seungkwan began to sing, and it was like a whole new world had opened up. His voice lilting, he seemed to pour his heart out into the lyrics, singing about love and desire all whilst staring Hansol straight in the eye. Hansol couldn't take his gaze away.

Seungkwan shot him a wink as he finished and Jeonghan started, and Hansol blushed, finally looking away. One of the boys, Minghao, shot him a suspicious glance, his eyes darting between the two. Hansol gave the boy a shy smile before glancing back at Seungkwan, who immediately whipped his head to the side, probably in some terrible attempt to hide that he had been staring.

Hansol couldn't help but smile.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy it's a really bad, unedited chapter that took me over two weeks to write. My apologies.

"How are you doing?"

"Other than feeling like I'm about to puke? Fantastic."

Seungkwan snorted, rolling his eyes at Hansol. "You could tone down the sarcasm. That might help."

"Sarcasm's the only thing keeping me going right now," Hansol said, and it was true. He was panicking, probably on the brink of hyperventilating, as the two sat in Hansol's mom's Jeep, driving to the festival. God knows how it would turn out, and Hansol couldn't contain his anxiety. Suddenly, Seungkwan's hand snaked around his wrist. Hansol jumped, swerving on the road just the slightest bit, and flushed bright red as Seungkwan giggled at him.

"You're like a frightened puppy," he commented. "It's cute." Hansol bit his lip, but gave the boy a faint smile.

"Minus the cute part. Personally, I think that I look like a Chinese Crested. Ever seen one of those?"

Seungkwan pouted at him. "You don't look like that! You're more like... a Labrador. They're cute and smart and totally loveable and adorable." He grinned, poking at Hansol's cheek with his index finger. Hansol swatted him away, but let out a tiny giggle. His face grew redder at the compliment.

"Suit yourself, I guess," he muttered, and he felt Seungkwan's hand promptly fall back to his side.

"Yeah, I know. Especially coming from me, am I right?" He teased, poking Hansol in the gut. Hansol flinched at the feeling, but laughed along.

"Am I going to have to take you to self-confidence classes or something? Do you really think I would be dating you if I didn't think you were absolutely adorable and amazing?" Seungkwan asked, tapping a finger on his chin. Hansol pursed his lips when Seungkwan said 'dating'; he supposed the fact that the two were in a real, physical relationship hadn't really sunk in yet. It was still odd to listen to the word. When Hansol didn't reply, lost in his own thoughts, Seungkwan let out a sigh. "Your rap is amazing, by the way. Have I told you that yet?"

"Only a million times," Hansol said, a slight tremor in his voice betraying the amusement he was trying to hide. "Thanks, Seungkwan." He glanced down for a moment, staring at his hand in his lap, before glancing back up to watch the road. "It means a lot, you know?"  
feeling, before bursting into laughter with Seungkwan.

He hadn't really taken the time to notice just how beautiful Seungkwan's laugh was. Just like his voice, it was lilting and mesmerizing, and so happy and hopeful. And Seungkwan was so blissfully unaware of it, Hansol wanted to slap him. Did he even take the time to notice how stunning he was, in every sense of the word? Did he even know how important he must be to the world?

Hansol's laugh came to a halt. Seungkwan glanced over at him with a tilt of the head and a worried expression, but didn't say a word. Hansol just kept driving. They were only five minutes away now. The performances would begin soon. And thus, Hansol suddenly felt dizzy with anxiety. Seungkwan narrowed his eyes, noticing the sudden change in mood.

"Hansol, please don't be worried. It's just making me worried - and I'm never worried for this stuff." He nudged Hansol a little, who flinched. "I swear to God, you'll be fine. Look," he said as they pulled into the parking lot, "we're here. You can't turn back now. alright?"

Hansol wasn't quite sure how that was supposed to make him feel any better, because it didn't. The parking lot was packed to the brim with cars - he doubted they would've gotten a spot if not for the reserved parking for the performers. Tons of people would be watching him. Listening to him. And then judging him if he's not as good as the other members.

He wished he could confide in Seungkwan, but there wasn't time, and there seemed to be no point. So instead, he muttered, "If my reputation is ruined after this, it's all your fault," and they went on their way. The festival was being held just outside of the biggest hockey arena around, in the huge field next to it. People milled about everywhere - there seemed to be hardly any room to move. They went along the edge, running towards the stage to meet up with the other members.

"Hey, Seungkwan! Hansol!" someone called. Hansol vaguely made out Soonyoung in the distance, waving them over. When the two had caught up to him, they halted, breathing hard. Soonyoung smirked a bit. "Don't do many sports, hm?"

Seungkwan scoffed. "In fact, I like sports so much that I joined a musical group," he said. Soonyoung laughed and nodded in agreement.

"I feel the same way," he said. "C'mon, we're waiting backstage."

Together, the three walked around the stage, searching for their group among the small crowd of performers. They were easy to spot - the ones acting the most mental, whooping and cheering and dancing around like crazy people. Hansol swallowed his fear and put a bright smile on his face as they met up.

"Hey!" Seungcheol greeted them, grinning. "You're the last to arrive. Everything's great so far. Here's a schedule," he said, sticking out a small pamphlet. Seungkwan grabbed it and thanked him, flipping it open to search for their names. Hansol leaned over to take a quick glance at it.

"We're second last," Seungkwan said, shrugging. "And - oh crap, we're right before Lee Mirae, too. Great."

"Who?" Hansol said cluelessly, scratching his head. He'd never heard of her before. His face flushed as Seungkwan whipped his head towards him, a shocked expression on his face.

"You don't know who Lee Mirae is?" He asked, holding a hand over his heart with an overly dramatic gasp. Hansol rolled his eyes with a shake of his head. "Lee Mirae!" Seungkwan repeated. "One of the most popular rock singers of this age? She's world-famous! We only have her here because this is her hometown!"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Agh!" Seungkwan pulled at his hair, exasperated. "Whatever. Anyway, she's super popular. I'm thinking that must be why there's so many more people than last year's. But of course, of course, she's the last act, right before us. Fantastic."

"And why isn't that a good thing?" Hansol asked, confused. Seungkwan groaned, giving him a light shove.

"You're the most clueless person I've ever met! The audience will probably hardly pay us any attention, because they'll be so hyped up for her!" Seungkwan stomped his foot, pouting. Hansol breathed out a tiny sigh of relief at the words - all that meant was that the audience wouldn't pay as much attention to him - but he didn't say that to Seungkwan.

"Oh, wow. That... sucks," Hansol said, not making eye contact with Seungkwan, but that didn't seem to work. Seungkwan nodded slightly, but then his eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Are you happy about it? You're a terrible liar, you know. Don't try it on me, hon." Seungkwan pursed his lips. Hansol opened his mouth to speak, but the words never got out because at that moment, the announcer stepped out of the curtain onto the stage and thus, the show began.

Hansol felt his gut wrench when the loud, screaming cheers of the crowd sounded. All of those people would be watching him.

"Seungkwan," he muttered, heart thumping, but didn't say anything else. He thought that Seungkwan hadn't heard him, but he felt the boy's hand squeeze his own after a moment. They stood there for a long time as the show went on, hands held tightly together, not uttering a word.

After a while, though, they broke apart and went off into their own units. Hansol didn't want Seungkwan to leave, but there was no other options. Besides, their performance was growing ever closer, and they needed a group talk amongst their units.

"Are you all warmed up?" Seungcheol asked his unit members once they had gathered. Mingyu and Wonwoo both nodded, while Hansol squeaked out a 'yes'.

"Great," he said. "We all know what we're doing. We've practiced a thousand times. No need to worry." Hansol noticed how Seungcheol glanced pointedly towards him when he spoke. He shrugged it off.

He didn't hear the announcer call on the performance unit over the sound of his heart beating. He only saw them slide out of the curtain, and then they were gone.  
Hansol heard the music playing loud and clear, and prayed that nothing would go wrong with any of this. He couldn't afford having a reputation more ruined than his already was.

All the same, the performance unit came offthe stage confidently, foreheads slick with sweat, wide grins on their faces as they high-fived the vocal unit heading out. Seungkwan glanced back at Hansol with a light smile and gave him a tight wave before he slipped out onto the stage.

This time, a slow, sad melody filled his ears. He had already heard this song a million times, but every time it started, he felt something in his chest - whether it was simply the beauty of the song or something else, Hansol wasn't sure.

He stopped dead when Seungkwan started to sing. No matter how many times they went through this, Seungkwan's voice always managed to stun him. It reminded him of chocolate, sweet and delicious; there was never quite enough for you to be satisfied. Because then, it was over, and he couldn't hear his voice anymore.

Seungcheol grabbed his arm, startling him, as the song ended. He led him to the front, just behind the curtain, waiting for their turn. Hansol could hardly breathe at this point, his threat constricting, breath coming in shirt gasps. But as Seungkwan walked off of the stage, he gave Hansol a light peck on the cheek, and he was reminded that everything would be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im hella inactive i know

Hansol didn't doubt that the amount of people in the field below was far more than expected. People were so squished together, it seemed like they could hardly move; yet still they cheered and screamed, ignoring the other bodies brushing up against them. Hansol gulped, running his gaze over the crowd and trying to swallow his fear. He heard a faint murmur from Mingyu, who stood next to him as they took their places.

"You'll be fine. Just trust me," he whispered, but it didn't seem to calm Hansol down much.

He seemed to wait an eternity for the music to begin. Instead of the performance, he focused on people - not the ones in the crowd, but the ones he had come to know. All of his group - Seventeen. Like the family he never had. His mentors - the group's three leaders, the rest of the older members - and his newfound friends. The ones standing beside him, and the ones watching from backstage, the only support he was going to get.

And Boo Seungkwan was the perfect piece to complete the puzzle

When the bass sound of the music began, Hansol focused on Seungkwan's face, a picture he had painted in his mind, instead of anything else. He let the music run through his veins, and on his cue he began to rap, letting the words flow out of him. He grinned at the crowd as he finished, giving off a false confidence he didn't actually have. And even after he was done, he could only think of Seungkwan. 

While they were bowing to the crowd, Hansol realized that he hadn't even noticed if he'd made a mistake. He decided against asking the others, instead just giving a last wave to the crowd as he strolled off, legs shaking so much that he thought he might topple over.

He giggled a bit as Seungkwan ran up and enveloped him in a hug, practically suffocating him. "You did great, babe," Seungkwan whispered, giving him a little peck on the cheek before stepping back. Dazed, Hansol stumbled a bit, ignoring the confused stares of the other members as he touched a hand to where Seungkwan had kissed him. Seungkwan had never called him babe before. That was certainly new.

Despite nearly every member looking dumbfounded as hell by the sight, Seungcheol just brushed it off and called a quick group meeting. It was only then that Hansol remembered; they weren't done yet. They still had the group performance.

Technically, the hard part was over already. He only had a small part in the group song - splitting it between thirteen members meant that no one got too much, asides from the best of the best. In their group, those two were Seokmin - the newest Vocal Unit addition - and Seungkwan. Neither of them seemed fazed by it, though, and all Hansol could do was wonder how.

"Alright, this is the last one. After this, we'll listen to Lee Mirae's performance and then, we're having a meet-up at Hansol's place. All right?" The group nodded in unison. "Good. Say the name!"

"Seventeen!" the others chorused, and Hansol joined in with a grin as the announcer called them back out to stage.

And once again, Seungkwan was the only thing on his mind.

 

"Nice place you've got," Chan commented as he strolled into the house, with Minghao, Jun and Soonyoung trailing in behind him.

"You didn't know?" Jeonghan asked. He was already on one of the living room couches, stretched out over it and leaving no room for anyone else. "That was pretty much all I knew Hansol for before he joined. Rich kid, big house."

Hansol pursed his lips, but didn't comment. Meanwhile, Chan shrugged as he slipped off his shoes. "I'm pretty new here, Jeonghan. We only moved at the end of the summer. Anyway - where's the food?"

Hansol snorted, motioning to the array of snacks set on the coffee table; meat and cheese, chips, nachos, everything you could think of. Chan's mouth stretched into a wide grin as he leapt towards the table, reaching out to grab as much as possible.

"Well, thanks to you and Boo Seungkwan, Hansol," Soonyoung started as he kicked off his shoes and strolled over to them, "I owe Minghao a twenty now." Hansol glanced over to Minghao, who only smiled cheekily, and then looked back over to Soonyoung with a dumbfounded expression.

"Um... why?" He asked, looking over at Seungkwan, who was seated next to him, and only showed the same confusion. Soonyoung laughed.

"I bet him that you two hated each other. He... well, he said otherwise."

Hansol blushed redder. "Oh," he muttered, staring down at his feet. 

"Yeah, speaking of that," Jihoon said, drawing Hansol's attention, "is that, like... allowed?"

"What, homosexuality?" Seungkwan asked defensively, and Hansol's heart dropped, praying that Jihoon didn't mean that.

"No, you idiot," Jihoon said. Hansol breathed out a short sigh of relief. "I mean, can we have relationships in the group?" Everyone glanced over to Seungcheol, who shrugged. 

"Yeah, sure. Just don't get too problematic or anything," Seungcheol said. Hansol could've sworn he saw Mingyu and Wonwoo give each other an odd, excited look, but only for a second. Maybe he imagined it.

"Anyway," Hansol began, attempting to change the subject, but trailed off until Seungcheol spoke again.

"Alrighty, let's talk performances," he started, glancing around the room. "Fantastic job, everyone. Pulled it together nicely, no one had any big mess-ups, lots of attention from the crowd. I don't doubt we'll gain a bit of popularity - that audience was the biggest we've ever had."

"Not like they came for us or anything," Jun muttered. Seungcheol fixed his gaze on the younger boy, looking exasperated. Jun continued, not worried about Seungcheol. "It was all for Lee Mirae anyways... not saying that we didn't do good or anything," he added. "That's just why most of the crowd was there."

"Well, yeah," Mingyu said, "but that's not the point. Even if they didn't come specifically for us, they discovered who we are."

"Who knows - maybe one day we'll make it to the big show," Seungkwan said wistfully, a faint smile playing on his face. "Award shows, interviews, fangirls..."

Wonwoo snorted. "This is a high school performance group, Seungkwan. I doubt we'll make it that far."

Seungkwan frowned at him with a pout. "You never know!" He exclaimed. Hansol giggled. He'd never exactly thought about their group becoming big in the show biz; just like Wonwoo said, it was just a high school group. Besides, the oldest few of them, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and all, would be graduating this year, and who knew what they would do next. Joshua wanted to go all the way to New York for some prestigious music school, and meanwhile Jeonghan was searching for an art school - they didn't have any around here, that was for sure. He supposed that the next oldest would follow Seungcheol's footsteps as leader, and they'd pick out some new people and that's that. It was a little depressing to think about, really - Hansol had only been with them for two or three months, and he already held a tighter bond than he ever did with his old friends. He wasn't ready for them to leave just yet.

"On that note," Seungcheol said, "let's just eat food and celebrate!" He reached out a hand for the nachos, and everyone else soon followed. Hansol quickly found himself having the most fun he'd had in an eternity, and at last, he felt at home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comeback was lit. Highlight and Fast Pace kill me every day.

Finally, the party had died down to just two - Hansol and Seungkwan. They had arranged for his mother to pick him up - Hansol's parents didn't allow him to drive after dark. Now, they sat cross-legged on the floor, Seungkwan buried in his phone, trying to get to his mom, and Hansol just staring at the older boy with a dreamy look in his eyes.

 

"Hansol," Seungkwan said suddenly, snapping Hansol out of his daze. Seungkwan bit his lip and glanced up from his phone. "My mum... something happened at work, I guess. She can't pick me up."

 

Hansol had to hide a faint grin at the news, with the hope that Seungkwan might be able to stay longer. The others had left twenty minutes or so ago, all of them stuffed with food and partied out. Seungkwan had called his mom, but she hadn't picked up, and she replied a few minutes later to tell him that she couldn't come. Seungkwan looked distraught, but Hansol had a feeling that it was that ' _something_ ' that went on at work, not about being unable to get picked up. The expression worried him - he hated seeing Seungkwan so anxious.

 

"I'm sure you can stay for the night. I've got work, but not till one. I can drop you off when I'm going, if you'd like." Hansol rubbed the nape of his neck, silently praying that Seungkwan would say yes. At first, the boy's face was blank and Hansol felt his heart drop, but then he broke out into a smile, nodding gratefully.

 

"Yes! I-I mean, yeah, sure." He blushed and glanced down at the ground for a second, but then his expression was replaced with something more like excitement. "Should we ask your parents?" Hansol nodded, hopping back onto his feet and nearly running to go find his parents. Seungkwan trailed a bit behind him, taking his time to glance around the house, all the paintings decorating the walls, the chandelier that hung from the ceiling. 

 

His parents accepted the offer without a second thought. Hansol had expected they would - so long as the two boys didn't go about bugging them, they could care less. It was normal. Seungkwan, however, seemed amazed by the prospect.

 

"That was... easy," he said slowly, giving Hansol an odd look. Hansol shrugged, but Seungkwan went on. "We can't just do that sort of stuff at my house. Takes a good ten minutes of convincing, and there's usually some sort of catch. Your parents are weird."

 

"So I've heard," Hansol murmured, cocking an eyebrow. "Doesn't matter. We can kinda do whatever now - video games, a movie, more food, whatever you'd like."

 

Seungkwan scrunched his face, trying to think. Hansol's head tilted a bit, examining the boy with a smile playing on his face. He had a hella cute boyfriend, and he knew it. 

 

Briefly he thought back to two months ago, when they had first started speaking. Hansol had hated Seungkwan with his life - no way that boy was about to break down his walls. Seungkwan was loud, and a brat, and smug and happy, and Hansol hated every piece of him. In a way, the only reason he had ever grown to like Boo Seungkwan was because of biology homework. Seungkwan bribed him to join Seventeen with eleven days of biology homework, and he had agreed, like the clueless idiot he was. Even now, he still hadn't quite decided whether he made the right choice. Not because he didn't love Seungkwan; because of the fear of judgement.

 

"Can we just talk?" Seungkwan said suddenly, bringing Hansol back into the real world. "Not something serious, we could talk about anything. Get to know each other better, maybe? I mean, we don't exactly know every last thing about each other. We've been dating for, like, two weeks."

 

Hansol considered this. It sounded like fun; and he wanted to know Boo Seungkwan. Not just _know,_ but _understand._  


So they went to his room where his parents wouldn't be able to hear the conversation and they chatted for an eternity - though the chatting was mostly from Seungkwan. They talked about everything - how Mingyu and Wonwoo were actually dating (everyone already knew that, though, they weren't exactly the most discreet couple), childhood stories, random facts about their lives. Then, a question popped into Hansol's head.

 

"Seungkwan, what's your favourite colour?"

 

"My favourite colour?" he was a bit surprised by the change in subject, but took it smoothly. "Lilac."

 

"Why lilac?" Hansol asked. Seungkwan scrunched his face again - Hansol _loved_ that expression - before speaking.

 

"Because... it's pretty." He paused, seeming reluctant to go on. "And it reminds me of you, I guess." Hansol had to prompt him to continue. "It's your colour. You look pretty in lilac, but it's your personality, too. Calming and relaxing... and absolutely beautiful, too."

 

Hansol was taken aback by the answer. It wasn't what he was expecting. So, he just muttered quietly, "mine's red," and didn't speak for a while, not even when Seungkwan brought his lips to meet Hansol's own.

 

-

 

Hansol couldn't remember when they had fallen asleep. All he could recall was _lilac, lilac, lilac,_ and for a moment he couldn't figure out why. Then, he felt Seungkwan's body nestling into him, and he remembered everything. He just sat there for a while, watching the sunrise, mixes of pinks and blues and yellows. Mist was rolling over the streets, lined with golden and silver, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Seungkwan stirred from time to time, but didn't awaken, and Hansol relished how he got to hold Seungkwan in his arms, without a care in the world. But then his clock hit eight and he was forced to wake Seungkwan up, and his arms felt empty when the boy got up to get changed.

 

Ten minutes later, Hansol was dressed and ready, but he ended up having to wait an extra seven for Seungkwan to finish. Damn, did that boy have a beauty routine. They left ten minutes late and Hansol nearly crashed multiple times on the journey with how fast he was going. Seungkwan was giggling the entire time, making fun of how anxious Hansol was. Despite Hansol hating being made fun of, he took it in stride - Seungkwan was his boyfriend and his best friend, and it was all careless fooling around. 

 

When they pulled up to Seungkwan's house, Hansol still in a frenzy - work started in five minutes, it would take him ten to get there on a normal day - Hansol had to blink a couple of times. The house was tiny, no room for more than two people, and run down, scratched up windows and dented roofing and wilted flowers. He glanced over at Seungkwan for a moment, who only gave him a light, almost-sad smile. Then, he grabbed his bag and was gone.

 

Most of Hansol's old friends lived on the same street as him. The other kids in elementary called it 'Spoiled Street' because of how giant the houses were there. Hansol didn't have much experience with small houses, really. Seungkwan's house made him feel a bit guilty, with him living filthy rich in a place like his own home, and Seungkwan living like this. No wonder he had never been to Seungkwan's house - whenever they wanted to meet up, it was at his own house. It made sense, now.

 

Hansol was pretty sure he had almost died on the way to work, driving at the speed of light and not even thinking twice about it. In any case, getting to work five minutes late was far better than death, but if he got into trouble at work, his parents would kill him anyways. Instead, he made it there half a minute early and opened up as quickly as possible, before customers would start pouring in.

 

Jihoon came around midway through the day, asking for a black coffee. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and Hansol briefly recalled how Seungkwan had looked that same way not so long ago. 

 

"Jihoon," he started, and the older boy looked up at him with an eyebrow cocked. "How much sleep are you getting?"

 

"Why should it matter to you?" Jihoon asked, rather than answer the question. He stirred his coffee with a finger, resting his head on his other hand and sighing. Hansol pursed his lips.

 

"I've heard stories of people who go insane when they don't get enough sleep," he said. Jihoon didn't even bothering glancing up at him.

 

"Great. I'm already halfway there," he said, and that was that.

 

Seungkwan texted him at six, telling him that a few friends would be hanging about in the park later that night, and invited him to come. Hansol's fingers hovered over the screen, wondering what he should say. His parents would be pissed if he got home late, but he could probably sneak past them. Besides, he wanted to go hang out with Seungkwan more, even if they wouldn't be alone. So, he typed a ' _sure'_ and finished up his shift.

 

The 'others' ended up being Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Chan. Hansol didn't really have much of a relationship with any of them - they were friends, yes, but Hansol didn't talk to them quite as much as some others. He didn't mind it being just them, though, he needed to get to know them better anyway.

 

They sat around near the tiny garden the park held, chatting about whatever they felt like. The others all fooled around, they were the type, but Hansol preferred to just watch the sun fall from the sky, and the moon rise to take its place. There was an odd contrast between dawn and dusk - the dawn was hopeful and confident, while dusk was elegant and calm, ready for the next day to come. Streetlights turned on, the only thing saving them from darkness, and the moon was a sliver in the sky, nearly covered by a few wispy clouds that drifted over it. Hansol liked watching the sky, seeing the contrast between night and day. It reminded him of people, how the purest of opposites can be put together so nicely. It reminded him of Seungkwan and himself - Seungkwan was the bright and happy dawn, and Hansol was the dusk. They fit together like puzzle pieces. Hansol hoped it would stay that way.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this like three days ago, oops. Merry Christmas everyone.   
> (Also, homophobic language warning)

Two months ago, Hansol had sat pondering over the colours of the sky, wondering about love. Now, here he sat, hands intertwined with Seungkwan's, watching the stars from underneath the willow tree in his backyard and dreaming. 

 

Frankly, not much had gone on in those past two months. Life continued as normal, same days spent at school and work; but Hansol had noticed that his life seemed brighter, even if just a little. Even the same, boring routines became exciting, because he might see _him_ there, and that would always make his day. It seemed as though the happy, dawn colours of Seungkwan were starting to seep into his own, dusk life. And he was perfectly fine with that.

 

With January came Seungkwan's birthday. Hansol still couldn't decide what he should get for him - it was impossible to choose. And then he remembered when, two months ago, he had visited Seungkwan's house for the first and only time. He needed to get Seungkwan something worthwhile, more than an iTunes gift card or a teddy bear. Something meaningful, important, something Seungkwan would adore. But even still, he wasn't quite sure what that something should be. His birthday was in five days. A party with the rest of Seventeen was being held, but they didn't know where yet. They asked over and over if it could be at Seungkwan's house, and over and over he refused. Hansol had a feeling that only he knew why.

 

The second option was, most obviously, Hansol's house. The group all liked his house well enough; it was bigger than theirs were and had tons of food. Hansol didn't really want to, though, because his parents would be home through the entire party and sometimes the topics the group chatted about would not be exactly _approved_ by his parents. No one else offered to hold it at their place - Seungcheol, Jisoo and Jeonghan lived in a cramped apartment together, same with Jun and Minghao, and the rest either couldn't or really, really didn't want to.

 

"Seungkwan," he said suddenly, making the boy jump a bit. Hansol kept his gaze fixed on the stars above them. "Maybe we could hold the party at the coffee shop. Place is pretty dead on Tuesdays. I'll have to work, but there's hardly going to be anyone to serve.

 

"Maybe," Seungkwan said softly, but his voice sounded so dreamy and far away that Hansol wasn't even sure he was listening. The stars were simply too beautiful to ignore.

 

~

 

Seungcheol said it might be best to go to the coffee shop, if Hansol didn't mind them all hanging around. He didn't; they were his friends and he'd way rather have them than be alone in the shop all night. So, there they held it, each of them coming in one after one with gifts of varying size. Hansol's own gift was outside - he couldn't exactly fit it in the shop. Seungkwan was second-last to arrive, before Soonyoung who was known all around for his tardiness. He looked immensely excited, a bright smile unable to be washed off his face. Hansol stood behind the counter for most of it, serving three customers in the first hour, but he didn't mind. It was Seungkwan's birthday, his boyfriend was happy, and that was all that really mattered.

 

When it came time to open presents, Hansol felt a knot in his stomach. What if Seungkwan didn't like it? It wasn't exactly in the best condition, and maybe Seungkwan would hate it. Maybe he'd laugh at it like it was a joke, or just be plain angry. Hansol knew Seungkwan wasn't the type to be like that, but all the same he felt queasy. 

 

None of the others knew what it was yet, Hansol didn't have a chance to tell them. Now, he wished he would have, because despite Seungkwan being his boyfriend, most of the others had known Seungkwan for far longer than he did. Not to mention, some of them were brutally honest, and would at least flat-out tell Hansol if it was a shitty gift (Jihoon would have, at least). So, he requested for Seungkwan to see his present last, and that was that.

 

The other gifts were pretty usual, some new, fancy earbuds, a cute little journal, a whole bunch of movies, that sort of stuff. All the same, Seungkwan looked so excited when he opened them that Hansol couldn't help but be excited too. He had a super cute boyfriend, no doubt.

 

"Hansol-ah, it's time for your present!" Seungkwan exclaimed in a giggly voice. Hansol grinned at him, but it was a bit fake with all the worry in his stomach. 

 

"Okay," he started slowly, "Close your eyes. I'll lead you there." He glanced around briefly to the others. "You can all come, I guess," he said, hoping the nervous tremor in his voice wasn't as noticeable as he thought. Seungkwan scrunched his eyes shut and Hansol took his hand lightly, feeling how soft the other's skin was, leading him through the doors out to the parking lot.

 

"Don't open your eyes yet," Hansol said when they had reached it, listening to the quiet gasps of the others. Jun murmured something inaudible to Minghao, and Hansol felt his stomach knot tighter. "Hold out your other hand." Seungkwan did as he was told, and Hansol dropped something into his hand. Seungkwan felt it, running his fingers along it, then gasped, his brows furrowing.

 

"Hansol, you didn't..." he started, but his voice died out. Hansol gulped and let go of his hand, praying this was going to go over well. Seungkwan blinked his eyes open, and the keys to his new car fell out of his hands. He didn't say a word, and it felt like an eternity before anyone moved. Seungkwan merely stared at the car, seeming speechless. Hansol gulped.

 

"How the hell did you get a hold of this?" Seungkwan asked after that eternity. Hansol shrugged, breath catching in his throat.

 

"My parents know some useful people. It wasn't free, but a good price. My parents paid for a bit of it, too." He bit his lip when Seungkwan didn't reply. "If you don't like it, I-" 

 

He didn't have time to finish as Seungkwan pulled him into a tight hug, and he stopped breathing when Seungkwan kissed him. The moment wasn't long enough, as Seungkwan pulled away and stared at the car in front of him. It wasn't in perfect condition, but it was good for a used car, nothing fancy, though. In fact, it was probably pretty lame in terms of driving. 

 

"I love it," Seungkwan said, breathless. "I love _you_."

 

"So _cheesy_ ," Soonyoung crowed, making the others break into laughter. Hansol felt his cheeks redden, and pulled away. Seungkwan, however, wasn't flustered, and shooed the others back into the cafe so Hansol and him were alone. 

 

"Why a car, Hansol?" Seungkwan asked. Hansol pursed his lips, hesitant to answer.

 

"Because... listen, Seungkwan, when I saw your house two months ago I hardly thought it was fit for a person to live. And maybe that's just 'cause I'm a rich kid, but you don't even have a car yet, and your mom works nearly every day of the week. God, you've been _walking_ to school since I could remember, and that's a goddamn long way from your house. You've had a license since you were sixteen, and you haven't driven a car since."

 

Seungkwan looked surprised, shocked even. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. "I..." he started. "Um... thank you, Hansol. I didn't think..." 

 

He trailed off again, and much to Hansol surprise, tears starting rolling down the boy's cheeks. Hansol immediately wiped them away and smiled, hoping Seungkwan would stop crying. He hated seeing people cry. Especially those who were close to him. 

 

"I left another gift in there, too," Hansol said, eyeing the driver's seat where sat a mixtape, hidden in the darkness. It contained all of Seungkwan's favourite songs, the ones they used to listen to and do karaoke with. "But I want you to see that after the party. Let's go." He ushered Seungkwan back into the party without another word.

 

-

 

Two weeks later, Seungkwan began avoiding Hansol, and he couldn't figure out _why_. His phone calls were ignored, texts left unanswered, and Seungkwan hardly spoke a word to him ever. He hadn't come to the coffee shop in four days, and that was a long time for Seungkwan. Hansol still couldn't decipher it, though. Why did Seungkwan hate him all of the sudden? Maybe it was the car. Or maybe, the mixtape he had left in it as his secondary gift. Maybe he had said something stupid and hadn't apologized.

 

After a bit, he decided that enough was enough. After school ended one day, he hopped in his car and drove over to Seungkwan's place as fast as possible. His mom wasn't home; the car was gone from the driveway and the lights had been turned off. After he had seen the house two months ago, when he saw it again the shock - and guilt - hadn't quite passed. But he sat there and waited for Seungkwan's car to appear, which it did approximately five minutes later. Seungkwan nearly swerved off the road as he drove - either because he was a terrible driver or because he was surprised to see Hansol's car, he couldn't tell. But when Seungkwan jumped out, he didn't look angry. In fact, he looked more... sad.

 

"Boo Seungkwan," Hansol said, clambering out of his own car, "why are you avoiding me?"

 

Seungkwan couldn't meet Hansol's eyes, but a stronger look of surprise became evident on his face. "You don't know?" he asked, and Hansol swore he heard a tremor in the boy's voice. "There's rumours. Everyone knows about us now, even people outside of school. They think we've been _sleeping_ together!" Seungkwan hiccuped and scrunched his eyes shut, letting a stray tear run down his face. "They've been calling me a slut and a whore and saying that I would fuck any guy in the school if given a chance!" He was really crying now, but he didn't seem to care. Hansol stood in silence, thinking, but quickly took a step back, the reality of it all sinking in.

 

"Oh god, Seungkwan," he said, "my _parents_. They're going to figure it out, and they'll kick me out of the house if they do! I'll have nowhere to go. Seungkwan..." He was starting to tear up too. "What am I supposed to do?"

 

Neither of them spoke for a long, long time. But then, Hansol blurted out the only truth, despite his throat tightening so much he could hardly speak. "We can't keep doing this."

 

Seungkwan gasped, as though he hadn't thought Hansol would ever say such a thing. Hansol wasn't sure how he could say it, either. "Hansol, no. We can figure this out-"

 

"No. We can't." His voice was hard as stone, surprising himself, and he wanted so badly to hug Seungkwan, but he couldn't. "It has to end here, Seungkwan. I'm sorry." 

 

Seungkwan sniffled again and Hansol turned to leave, knowing he would start crying again any minute, but then Seungkwan angrily unzipped his backpack and grabbed something out of it, thrusting it towards Hansol. He turned slowly on his heel and stared at the mixtape in front of him. He shook his head.

 

"Take it," Seungkwan said, and his voice was ice. "If you want to leave, then take it."

 

Hansol shook his head again, his eyes burning with the urge to burst into tears. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Seungkwan... I can't-"

 

"Take it!" Seungkwan half-sobbed, his hand trembling. Hansol shakily lifted a hand to grab it, and when he did, Seungkwan darted into his house without another word, leaving Hansol to stare after him, unable to even cry at this point.

 

-

 

"Hansol, what exactly have you been up to these last few months?"

 

Hansol swallowed as his parents stared at him expectantly, and shrugged fakely. "Not much," he lied. "Work. School. Practice."

 

"Practice for what?" His father inquired, cocking an eyebrow. Hansol frowned a bit at him. Did they not already know?

 

"Seventeen. You know, the school's performance group? I went and performed at that concert a few months ago?" he said, but his father showed no recognition. Hansol held back a couple curse words he felt like throwing at him. His parents were _useless_. They didn't know anything about their son, nor did they seem to care. All they cared about was work and their little vacations to Africa. "Whatever. Anyway, that's what I've been _up to_." He spoke the last words with a hint of menace.

 

"Anything else?" his mother prompted. There was worry, and something that seemed like guilt, etched into her face. Hansol frowned at her. "You know, relationships, all that?"

 

The way she said it made Hansol certain that she knew. He gulped. "I don't even like any of the girls in my grade, mum. I don't have a girlfriend."

 

His mother sighed. "You're not getting it, Hansol. You see, we got a call from one of your friends' parents the other day-"

 

"Which friend?" Hansol demanded, cutting her off. If any of the Seventeen members told, he would slit their throats. His mother sighed - _again_  - but answered, "Minhyuk." Hansol breathed a sigh of relief. Minhyuk was an old friend, an enemy now, a nasty one at that. He would have willingly slit that kid's throat, even if he _hadn't_ told. But still, he felt uneasy, not knowing what would happen next.

 

"As I was saying, Minhyuk's mum called me, she said that Minhyuk had been talking about, well, a _relationship._ Quite an inappropriate one, at that. Apparently, it was going around that you were... with Seungkwan."

 

Hansol feigned a look of shock, the act paining him. "Seungkwan? Why?"

 

"He said that Seungkwan was a fag," his father interrupted as his mother opened her mouth to speak. Hansol bit his lip to keep himself from reacting to the word. "Had a crush on you? Is that true?"

 

Hansol opened his mouth, then closed it again, not sure what to say. "I... yes," he said, breath catching in his throat. "He's gay. I... never heard that he had a crush on me, though. We're just friends. I'm not a... not _gay._ " He hated lying like this. It felt like he was betraying Seungkwan. But anything to save his own skin, right?

 

"Good," his dad replied. "But," he started, and Hansol knew something bad was coming, "we don't want you hanging around those sort anymore."

 

" _Those_ sort?" Hansol asked, his heart dropping to his stomach. "Gay people?"

 

"We don't agree with that sort of lifestyle, Hansol. You shouldn't, either. You have other friends, anyways. We expect you to tell him, or we can call him."

 

Hansol blinked back the tears that were forming in his eyes. Seungkwan hated him anyway. It shouldn't _matter._ But it did. "I'll tell him," he choked out, and stumbled to his room.

 

He cried for a long, long time. It was the most he had cried for god-knows-how-long, years maybe. Eventually he started to wonder if all the water would seep out of his eyes and he'd die of dehydration. The end had come too soon.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter three times trying to make it perfect but that didn't exactly work out, so here's a totally horrible chapter for you.

  
Hansol's father made him resign from Seventeen a week ago. He didn't want Seungkwan, or any of his ' _fag friends_ ' hanging around his son, for whatever homophobic reason. Hansol spent the next week of school alone, not talking to any group members for fear of his father's wrath, and especially not daring to speak to Seungkwan. Besides, he wasn't so sure that Seungkwan wanted him around.   


 

Then, as far as the rest of the school went, it seemed like half of them - the reasonable half, that is - were passing off the rumours between the two boys as they were - rumours - or simply couldn't care less, but the other half were still stuck on it. Especially Lee Minhyuk, the asshole who had spilled. Now, he walked around all high and mighty, even more so than usual, his nose held high in the air because he knew exactly what he had done to Hansol and Seungkwan. It made Hansol sick.

 

Meanwhile, work was like déjà vu. It reminded Hansol of how things had been at the start of the year, except with less friends and more depression. Seungkwan didn't visit the coffee shop these days - even the other members of Seventeen wouldn't, not even the coffee-addicted Lee Jihoon, who came in more often than was probably healthy. Hansol wondered if it had been him or Seungkwan who had changed everything like this. Did Seungkwan tell all the others to hop on board, to agree that Hansol was a sickening heartbreaker, or had they just realized it themselves? 

 

When Lee Minhyuk stepped into the shop with a leather jacket and a taunting smile, Hansol had to swallow the urge to scream his head off. He had realized through the grape vine, despite already suspecting it, that Minhyuk was the original starter of the rumour. _He_ had done this. It was all his fault, and Hansol could tell he was loving it.

 

"'Sup, Hansol?" he asked, setting his elbows on the countertop with a slight smirk. "Didn't think you'd be here." _Did he think I would quit?_ "Could I get a coffee, pretty please? Hmm..." he paused, glancing up at the menu as though deciding, though Hansol knew he was just putting on a show. "What's your favourite?"

 

Hansol bit his tongue to keep himself from lashing out. "Caramel macchiato," he said, trying to keep the tremor of rage out of his voice. "Want one?"

 

"Yeah, sure. Just a small. Hey, you know," he said, and Hansol knew he was about to say something horrible, "you looked a bit lonely this week in the cafeteria. If you want, you can come back and sit with us again. We'd welcome you with open arms. I think the other guys have missed sitting with you." He shrugs nonchalantly. "In fact, they mention you constantly. _'Wonder how Hansol's doing with the fags?'_ 'Cause I mean, it's common knowledge that those guys are all super, _super_ gay for each other."

 

Hansol's ears were starting to ring. He turned his back and started preparing the coffee, hands working as fast as possible so he could get rid of this kid. His tongue felt tied, unable to even open his mouth and retort. If he said anything else...

 

"Especially that Boo Seungkwan," Minhyuk started; Hansol's teeth clenched at the sound of the boy's name - not because he was angry at Seungkwan, but he knew that if anything nasty was said about him, he would flip, no matter the consequences. "Gayest of them all," Minhyuk continued. "The _whore._ "

 

Hansol hardly felt the coffee cup fall out of his hands, spilling all over the pure white tiles of the floor. Slowly, painstakingly, he turned to Minhyuk, who had his head tilted in a faux innocence that made Hansol want to scream. Yet, he didn't say a word, mostly because he couldn't find his voice.

 

"My coffee?" Minhyuk asked, lips pursed, acting as though he had not just called Seungkwan something so vulgar it made Hansol want to throw up. "You dropped it." _As if I didn't notice,_  Hansol thought, his head spinning. Minhyuk pointed behind Hansol. "There's a mop in the corner, there, if you want. Better clean it up quick."

 

"Get out," Hansol said, keeping the rage off his face but not out of his eyes. His voice trembled a bit, and Minhyuk snorted, but didn't move a muscle. "Get _out,_ " Hansol repeated, adding a small " _please,_ " on the end in the hopes that it would convince the boy to leave. Instead, Minhyuk merely scoffed, eyeing the spilled coffee behind Hansol. 

 

"Get me my _coffee_ , Hansol," he said, his voice suddenly so cold it was surprising, the smile wiped off of his face. "That _is_ your job, isn't it? And honestly, I don't think you'd like to lose it, am I right?" he paused, as if waiting for Hansol to reply, and when Hansol didn't so much as move, the boy rolled his eyes. "Hurry now. I want my caramel macchiato."

 

Hansol's breaths were shaky, his head almost bursting from rage, and for a split second he wondered if breaking Minhyuk's nose would be worth losing his job over. But then, remembering the wrath of his parents - which, although he was more angry at them than ever now, he wasn't willing to envoke - he decided against it, turning on his heel and starting another macchiato, ignoring the mess on the floor from the previous coffee. This time, Minhyuk didn't speak a word, thank God, and Hansol briefly wondered if he had shut his ass up for good this time, although he knew better than to hope.

 

He scribbled the boy's name messily onto the cup once he had finished, thrusting it so quickly at Minhyuk that some of the drink nearly sloshed out of the cup. Minhyuk quirked an eyebrow and grabbed the macchiato, exchanging it for a few coins, and then he was gone. Throughout the rest of the shift, though, Hansol couldn't stop imagining slamming his fist into Minhyuk's face, hearing the _crack_ of his nose. How utterly satisfying that would be.

 

~

 

Seungkwan's mixtape, the one he'd recieved for his birthday but thrusted back days later, was laying, broken into tiny pieces, on Hansol's desk. Hansol couldn't help but think, with a cynical smile on his face that clashed with his teary eyes, that it probably looked a lot like his own heart. It wasa  cliche and stereotypical thing to think, just how all the petty characters in rom-coms would act, but he couldn't care less at this point. 

 

He and Seungkwan had only known each other since autumn arrived.  He and Seungkwan had only loved each other for two months. So why does it matter so much?

 

  
_Because Seungkwan doesn't deserve this,_ his conscience told him, _because he never should have received this in return for what he's done._  


But it wasn't Hansol's fault.

 

_It wasn't my fault._

_It wasn't my fault._

_It wasn't my fault._

It was his parents, so determined to restrain Hansol from his love that they would separate him from everyone he held dear. It was Lee Minhyuk, wanting to destroy his old friend's reputation for what seemed like no good reason. It was the entire world, so against love like this that they would do anything to stop it. And he couldn't fight an entire planet.

 

He wasn't the type to rebel - he knew what happened to anyone who tried to fight the system. Everything he'd seen on TV, heard on the news, everything that had spread around his town like wildfire, _that_ was what people like him got in return for loving another. It made him sick, but he could never fight something this big.

 

And he couldn't leave this place, not yet, anyway, couldn't take Seungkwan and find somewhere they could be at peace. He was still in school and hardly made enough to live on his own yet. He depended on his parents for everything, and until he sat here crying about his oh-so-depressing life, he didn't ever realize. And for the millionth time that night, his thoughts flitted to Seungkwan. How was he coping? _Was_ he coping? Seungkwan was the most romantic person Hansol had ever met - and that said a lot considering the lovestruck girls in school. If Hansol though that _he_ was heartbroken over all this, how badly was Seungkwan doing?

 

~

 

Lee Seokmin didn't exactly look thrilled to see Hansol yelling his name from across the street, and really, Hansol couldn't blame him. Sunshine Seokmin, as the Seventeen members used to call him, one of the three happy viruses in their little group, next to Soonyoung and Seungkwan. Those three were an unbreakable trio, so close that Hansol had to wait ages to find one of them without the others. He didn't dare approach when Seungkwan was around - even Hansol wasn't _that_ brainless - and even the one time he found Soonyoung and Seokmin without Seungkwan, he was too scared to go near. His father was like a constant reminder in his head still, telling him not to talk to any of those Seventeen kids anymore; and besides that, he was freaked about how Seventeen themselves would act if he spoke to them.

 

Now, it wasn't necessarily that Seventeen suddenly hated him after he ditched Seungkwan and the group as a whole, but they seemed to know it would be awkward to speak to Hansol after everything that's happened. Even Seungcheol, the most reasonable of the group, hadn't spoken a word, and that said a lot. To Seventeen, it probably seemed like Hansol was the one hating them, seeing as how he up and left without a word, though that wasn't nearly the case. 

 

Though they weren't on good terms, Seokmin was polite enough to at least stop walking, to stare at Hansol from across the street, questioning. Hansol darted across the street as soon as he figured a car wouldn't run him over, afraid that Seokmin would change his mind and walk away. 

 

"Seokmin! Can we... can we talk for a minute, please?" he asked, sounding more desperate than he'd hope for. Seokmin quirked an eyebrow but nodded slowly, taking red earbuds out of his ears and shoving them into his pocket. 

 

"Alright," he said, sounding hesitant. Hansol took a breath.

 

"I need to know how Seungkwan is," he said, voice almost catching in his throat. " _Please_."

 

Seokmin looked surprised, to say the least. "You know, Hansol, I hate to answer a question with another question, but if you care so much about how he does without you, why'd you break up with him in the first place?"

 

Hansol pursed his lips, trying to control his breathing. "It's a long story. I can explain another time. If you want, that is," he added. "But... please, I need to know if he's alright. And it's not like I'm about to ask him myself."

 

"He's actually..." Seokmin hesitated. "Well, he's actually doing fucking terrible, if that's what you wanted to know. Crying mess ninety percent of the time, and the other ten he's venting about how much he hates you."

 

  
_Ouch_. That stung a bit. Sounded like Seungkwan, though. But if Seungkwan was that upset...

 

"Tell him I'm sorry," Hansol blurted quickly. Seokmin blinked a couple of times, but shrugged.

 

"Yeah, sure. You could always tell him yourself, but..." he glanced at the expression on Hansol's face, "better not. Although, I don't think that getting me to do it for you is going to make him feel any better - actually, it'll make him feel worse, but if that's what you want. By the way," he added after a second of silence, "just for confirmation, I'm not going to be a personal messenger. Neither will the other members. This is the only time, because I'm a fantastic human being. Cool?"

 

"Cool," Hansol muttered, and he hardly found the strength to walk the other way.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally did not completely forget about this fanfic. nope, definitely not.

Hansol wrote a song. Not a love song as usual, but a song about loneliness. How stranded he was, alone yet surrounded by people, no one to turn to but himself. Pure isolation. And he titled it, 'Still Lonely'.

He had struggled accepting the true, hard fact of it all; Seungkwan wasn't just going to come running back to him. This was no Disney tale, no 'perfect ending' shit or anything like that. This was real life, and it was a million times more hellish than should be justified, or so Hansol thought. In the last week he'd found himself so alone that he did what no one, not even himself, expected, and he ran back to his old friends. He probably seemed pretty desperate doing it, practically begging for their forgiveness just so that he could have someone, anyone to talk to. He was certain they would have rejected him if not for Minhyuk, who welcomed him back with his so-called 'open arms', which Hansol figured would try to choke him as soon as he got close. Despite that, he came back anyway, and for a while it was good. He had people, someone other than his parents, to interact with, to listen to. But yet still he was lonely.

It was funny, almost. Minhyuk and the rest of the gang had gained quite a reputation following the rumour, and were now far more popular than they had ever been when Hansol was with them. It made Hansol a bit jealous, no matter how badly he wanted to deny it, because back when they had been close, there had never been attention surrounding them. They were the unknowns, the ones no one could care less about. And then, as soon as he leaves, they get what they've always wanted - although it only happened through Hansol's downfall.

Hansol supposed that Minhyuk must have realized how odd it would seem for them to be seen around each other again, and so he came up with a quick excuse for the entire student body. He had, according to himself and the rest of the gang, not been the starter of the rumour, and the whole group was confirming that Hansol was, in fact, a one-hundred-percent, no-doubts-about-it he-was-definitely-straight heterosexual. It pained Hansol to go along with it, but he did it anyway for the sake of digging up his reputation, which was currently six feet underground.

It pained him even more when he spotted Seungkwan overhear a conversation between Minhyuk and another group of kids, essentially about how Hansol had never liked Seungkwan like that, and that it was some one-way feeling. He saw the way Seungkwan's face fell, how Soonyoung tugged his arm and whispered in his ear, how Seungkwan ignored it and started running down the hallway, darting into the bathroom before he burst into tears. Hansol wanted to run after him, just for a moment, until he heard Minhyuk's call for him, and he didn't look back.

And although Hansol was now one of the popular kids at school, back with Minhyuk's gang, he was still lonelier than ever.

Hansol set his pencil down on his desk, reading over the lyrics he had written, his bedroom illuminated only by the light of the moon outside.

This cursed popularity, why won't it go away?

But why am I still lonely?

He leaned back in his chair with a sigh, pulling out his phone and pressing the power button. His first instinct was to call Seungkwan, but as his fingers hovered over the contact, he found himself too scared to press it. Instead, he powered the phone off and slipped the sheet of lyrics into his folder, plopping into his bed without even bothering to put on pajamas. And as he slept, he only dreamt of Seungkwan.

~

Jihoon was back at the coffee shop the next day. Hansol almost couldn't believe his eyes - Jihoon so casually asking for a black coffee, looking at Hansol in the eye as though they were strangers, as though there was nothing between them. Though, Hansol figured, Jihoon was an unpredictable person. No one knew what he would do next. Maybe that was why so many people were afraid of him at school, because they could never anticipate what would come next.

Hansol went about his business, not saying a word to Jihoon as he prepared the coffee. Out of all of Seventeen, Jihoon was by far the most intimidating, despite looking like the actual reincarnation of a teddy bear. Hansol was definitely not prepared to talk to him. Unfortunately, that didn't exactly work so well.

"So, what?" Jihoon asked suddenly, and Hansol prayed he wasn't talking to him, though deep inside he knew better. "You're just going to ignore this? Jesus, you really are thick-headed."

The way he said it made Hansol suspicious that someone had called him stupid once before, but he brushed off the feeling. "Ignore what?" he asked, and he was genuinely clueless. What did Jihoon mean, he was ignoring?

"Oh my god," Jihoon said, rather than answer the question. "You dumbass." He waited a few seconds to see if Hansol would reply, and groaned when he didn't. "Everything, Hansol. You cut all connections with Seungkwan and the rest of the group, we end up not talking to you for a month, and when I finally stroll in here because I've gotten sick of not getting my morning coffee, you don't do anything?"

"What was I supposed to do, Jihoon?" Hansol asked, his voice colder than he had meant for it to be. He swiveled around and passed the coffee to Jihoon, who tossed him a few coins in exchange. "Please do tell me, because I honest to God don't know."

"You could have done anything, Hansol," Jihoon said, and Hansol swore he heard a slight tremble in Jihoon's voice. Did Jihoon really care that much? "Anything! At least explain yourself, for God's sake! And fuck, Hansol, what you did do-" there was definitely a tremor that time- "that was the worst move you could have made. Seungkwan loved you - and maybe you think that I'm not that close to him or whatever, but Seventeen is a family, and family tells each other everything. Do you know how many days I went by listening to him blab on and on about you, 'Hansol this, Hansol that,' only for you to act like you've always hated him?"

Hansol opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out. He had nothing to say, no real excuse for it. Why couldn't he have done something differently? Jihoon was right (he tended to be that way in the end), he could have at least told them why. But he had been scared, scared because he knew that group would've done anything for him, and that included rebelling against his parents. It was hard to argue with the members of Seventeen, they almost always got their way, and even if Hansol knew it would only make everything worse, there was no way he would be able to convince them.

But why did he come crying back to Minhyuk, willing to do anything, even lie to the whole school about his and Seungkwan's relationship? For the sake of talking to someone, when it didn't even fulfill the need? He was still lonely. He'd made a big mistake. Again. He tended to do that a lot.

"I just don't know what to do, Jihoon," he said, and it was true. Where was he supposed to go from here?

"Well, you've come to the wrong fucking place, kid," Jihoon said, sipping his coffee with an unreadable expression. Hansol hated that about him. He could never tell what Jihoon was thinking. "I can't help you. I... I'm sorry, I really am. But I hope you realize that you're not the only thing that matters in the universe."

~

Seungkwan called him the next day. Hansol nearly dropped the phone when he heard the familiar ringtone - Coffee, by BTS. It was a special song between the two of them.

He couldn't bring himself to answer. He hated it - he wanted to speak to Seungkwan, so badly, but still he was scared.

What a wimp.

So he waited and waited, trying to drone out the song (your scent is still sweet on my lips...) and finally when the ringing had stopped, he waited more, silent as a mouse, listening for a message. He got what he wanted.

"Jihoon told me to call," Seungkwan said from the other end, and god it felt good to hear his voice again, so sweet and pleasant, but hearing a sniffle made his smile falter. "He said that if you didn't pick up, it was because you were being a fucking coward. Well, he's right. You're a coward, aren't you?"

Hansol scrunched his eyes shut and tried to shut out his emotions, just wanting to listen to what Seungkwan had to say, wanting to wait until after to think. For a moment he thought the message was over - there was no sound from the other end. Then, he heard a faint sniffle, and Seungkwan started up, voice shaking.

"And you know, Hansol, at first I thought this would be good for me. At first..." he trailed off, but quickly picked himself back up. "At first I was content, because finally I had found someone who genuinely cared about-" he hiccuped- "about me. I guess I was wrong. If you cared, you would have came back to me. You wouldn't have denied it to the entire school. If you cared, you would have told me so!" he was almost yelling now, sounding static on Hansol's phone. Hansol flinched at the sound. Seungkwan hesitated for a moment. "A-anyway. I... hope you're happy with your new friends." The comment didn't sound sarcastic, instead rather genuine. It only made Hansol confused. "Bye, Hansol."

The message ended, and Hansol sat in silence, unmoving, unable to think. At this point, he couldn't even cry.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha! I bet y'all thought this was never gonna be updated ever again! yeah you were almost right but nope you were all wrong!
> 
> yes it's been like six fucking months I'm a terrible person, here's a super short unedited chapter for everyone who I've left in suspense for half a year that might actually still read this. this is for you guys. see you all in ten years.
> 
> (in case I do happen to update before you're all corpses, I'll have you know that there's like 1-2 chapters left so this ain't gonna be going on much longer)

"Seungkwan's not gay," Hansol said the morning after the phone call, a dark Saturday morning, speaking more to the scrambled eggs on his plate than his parents. From the corner of his eye he saw his father glance up from the newspaper, eyeing him warily. 

 

"You told us he was, Hansol," his mother said, seeming confused. She opened her mouth to say something, but his father butted in.

 

"Are you still hanging out with him?" he asked, tone suspicious. Hansol quickly shook his head.

 

"I've been with Minhyuk, remember?" he said, hoping his father would let it slide. He seemed to do that, although still skeptical about it. "And, anyways, it turns out that the whole Seungkwan thing was a rumour, actually." The lies didn't slip off his tongue as easily as he had hoped. "And everyone gets over rumours eventually. I think he's dating a girl in my homeroom, now. Nayoung," he added, a name just to keep the lie going, adding a silent apology to the quiet girl in his homeroom whom he had just butchered. 

 

"So.. he's straight," his mother said. She seemed to be less immune to the lie than his father. 

 

"Yeah," Hansol replied smoothly. His father didn't blink. "I mean, it was just like the original rumour that we were dating. Fake." He continued to stare at his father, and then he noticed it, a slight, tiny nod. _Cue the silent cheer._

No one speaks for a few moments. Hansol, figuring that it was now or never, finally decided to say what he had wanted to. "So, I was wondering, maybe I could start talking with Seungkwan again," he said, hoping he wouldn't falter. His mom glanced over to his dad, who didn't react. _He doesn't know what to do,_ Hansol thought. This was the jackpot. His mom was far easier to convince.

 

"I think it's fine for now," she said. "But, Choi Hansol, I swear to God, you had better not be lying."

 

-

 

Hansol almost wanted to run to Seungkwan's house screaming 'Seungkwan! Seungkwan! Let's get back together!'

 

Almost.

 

Instead he faked sick when Monday rolled around, not wanting to confront either Minhyuk or Seungkwan - or the rest of Seventeen, for that matter. _I'll deal with it tomorrow,_ he figured, and that was that.

 

But he still sent Seungkwan a text, his contact nearly lost amidst the new ones he gained from his sudden popularity. A popularity he knew would be gone by the next day. But he opened the message anyway, typing a long paragraph explaining everything but deleting it rather than sending it. Instead he wrote a simple sentence, reading 'It could work out', and sent it before he could turn back.

 

As for Minhyuk, well, he was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with him. If neither of them approached each other...

 

But that would never work. There was no way the sly bastard wasn't going to question him. He'd probably have to be a little more creative to solve this problem. Weaving more lies, letting them roll off his tongue as easily as he had told his parents that Seungkwan was hetero. He'd deal with the consequences later.

 

Seungkwan didn't answer his text. Hansol is disappointed, but he couldn't say he was surprised.

 

The next day at school, though, a miracle happened. Seungkwan approached him, albeit very cautiously, and Hansol spotted a few of his friends trailing a little far behind him, clearly trying to make sure nothing bad was going to break out. Seungkwan didn't talk for what seemed= like an eternity, just stared up at Hansol intently. Hansol broke the silence first.

 

"Hi," he murmured, but he didn't really know what else he should say. Seungkwan shook his head.

 

"Do you have work today?" he asked. Hansol nodded. "I'll meet you there after school," he says, and leaves without looking back, leaving Hansol to stare at him as he walks away with his friends, dumbfounded.

 

They didn't look at each other for the rest of the day (though Hansol may have stolen an occasional glance).

 

Minhyuk, however, was much harder to avoid. Hansol tried to slip past him unnoticed in the halls and usually succeeded, and during lunch he ate in a bathroom stall, desperate to do anything to get away from Minhyuk. All he could think about now was work, and Seungkwan, and Seungkwan and Seungkwan and Seungkwan.

 

School ended much slower than Hansol would have liked, dragging on for what seemed like days. When it was finally over, he nearly ran out the doors, driving straight to work without bothering to go back home.

 

Yet still he needed to wait for Seungkwan, and so he did. He barely got through the hour without messing up any orders when Seungkwan opened the door, stepping in reluctantly and staring around the shop as though he's never seen it before. Hansol nearly cried out when he saw him, and quickly murmured to his coworker that he would be going on a break.

 

Seungkwan looked uncomfortable, to say the least, when Hansol took a seat across from him. 

 

"How could this work out?" he asked, a simple question. 

 

"Okay, listen, Seungkwan," Hansol said, trying to pick his words carefully, "I told my parents you were straight. It's a lie, I know, I'm a terrible person, but, Seungkwan!" He was whispering now, not for any particular reason, a bright smile painting his face though he tried to resist. "My parents said we can hang out again!"

 

"And what does that have to do with this working out?" Seungkwan asked. The smile dropped from Hansol's face, but he quickly regained it. "We can hang out, yes, but we can't _date_. Besides, Hansol, I'm still fucking angry at you. You're still a horrible person."

 

"I broke up with you because of my _parents_!" Hansol exclaimed. Seungkwan shook his head and swallowed, hard.

 

"And because of a dumb rumour," he said, not meeting Hansol's eyes.

 

"That rumour's over, okay? I told my parents it was just that, a rumour, and that we're just friends. We can leave it a secret. Seungkwan... _please._ " Only now did he notice his eyes growing glassy, but he blinked away the tears. Seungkwan was silent for a moment, then breathed out a long sigh.

 

"I still haven't forgiven you," he said softly. "And I don't think that's a good idea. Not yet. But... friends. Okay?"

 

Hansol found himself perfectly content with that.


End file.
